Motivation Monday!

I am currently writing my last final! I can’t wait to be done and be able to focus on reading and writing things that actually interest me!!

Here’s a 20 min. video on social media and our society. It’s truely a great listen and really makes you think about the amount of time we all spend on our phones!

Talk to you all soon!

-A

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Opinions

I read a quote the other day, and it talked about the need for alone time. The need to be by one’s self to refresh, digest and formulate opinions. In our society, we are constantly influenced by those around us, even when we think we aren’t. People’s opinions are constantly filling our heads through social media forms like, Facebook, Twitter and Instagram, also through news sources on television and in the news paper and then there’s also advertisements that are pushed in front of our faces all the time. Everywhere we look, people are trying to convince us to think, act, and be a certain way.

Now more than ever alone time crucial to build our own thoughts and opinions. In this society, do you think it’s possible to build our own opinions without being influenced by those around us? With our cellphones being glued to our hands and thoughts always being pushed into our heads, the thought of unbiased opinions sounds like a hard concept to grasp.

I believe that in life there is never just one way to look at something, even though sometimes our society tries to convince us otherwise. I challenge each of you to form your own opinions on things. If something doesn’t seem right or correct to you, dare to think outside of the box. Sit in silence every once in a while. Let your thoughts form on their own. Decide if  you agree or disagree with what is being taught and told to you. It’s people in this world that choose to create their own ideas. thoughts and opinions that make a difference.  Remember though, to be open to all the opinions around you as well. If you are expecting people to be willing and open to your opinions, then you must treat their’s the same.

Have a great weekend loves!

Ash

 

Let’s Talk About Sex Baby..

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Well now that I have your attention, let’s get down to the real topic.. haha just kidding, it is sex.  Sex, casual dating, hookups and everything in between.

My interest in this topic sparked when I read an article from Elephant Journal (which I will have linked below).  I don’t always agree with everything Elephant Journal writes about, but they always bring up very interesting topics.  Once I clicked on this article, more and more began to appear on the topic of dating and the hookup culture.

This topic probably sparks my interest so much cause I am literally right in the center of it all. Desperately hoping I will not be single for the rest of my life.  The issue for me is, maybe I want to be.  With all the options out there today to connect with people all over the world, are people really ever going to be completely satisfied with one person for the rest of their lives.  Obviously, being an optimist, I hope so, but if you look at all the stats nowadays, it frightens me a little bit.

Before the time of Facebook and Tinder, people met through friends, family, and proximity (meaning the area you live in), now our options to meet future partners are literally endless.  I have people from around the world that add me on social media accounts. There are ways to connect with almost any person you can possibly imagine. Tinder now has the option to swipe anywhere you want in the world and there are not only local dating sites but also worldwide ones.  With all these options out there, is anyone ever going to be 100% satisfied with just having me?

I’m not going to put the blame entirely on our culture because I know for a fact the men I usually go for are known to have a wandering eye but I’ve literally gotten to the point in my dating life, where I feel the need to state: “I am not only looking to have sex with you” on every first date I go on.  Is sex really a requirement for first dates, because that is how it feels.

Women tend to get the wrath for a lot of things in our society.  Yes, I do take a lot of women focused university classes, so I get to see and study a lot of first-hand things that happen to women in our world, so maybe that’s why I tend to notice it a lot more in my everyday life as well, but seriously.  The United States just elected a man who used the phrase “grab ’em by their pussy”, to run their country….  Please try and tell me that women and men are treated equally in today’s world. This unequal treatment translates over to dating. I feel like when it comes to casual dating and the hookup culture, women aren’t allowed to do it.  Men make the rules and women try to keep up with them. “Is it too soon to text him?” “Is it slutty, if I’m talking to more than one guy at once?” “Will he think I’m too clingy if I ask him to hang out, instead of waiting for him to ask me?”  The unwritten rules of casual dating (for women only), because it’s a game after all, right? **insert eye roll

In saying this, I am going to make a disclaimer and say that it’s not the case that men don’t also get the wrath, for example, the term: fuckboy.  This was created just for men.  I’ve also heard multiple men say that women have just started classifying all men into this category and there are men out there that aren’t like this (IF YOU ARE ONE OF THESE MEN AND YOU ARE READING THIS, PLEASE CONTACT ME.. hahah)

For me, I can’t just have sex with someone and not catch feelings for them, I don’t know if that’s a personal trait or if that’s a female trait, but sorry hookup culture, you aren’t for me. Sex is great and all, but you know what’s even better?? Sex when you care about the other person and when the only thought in your head isn’t just about your own pleasure but also of theirs.  Maybe that’s a personal choice I need to make.  To start refusing to only be used as a late night booty call, and wait for someone who is willing to share themselves with me.. Maybe I need to accept that lonely nights, will be worth finding a life long partner in the end.

I know I will be easily criticised for writing any part of this blog entry. Rule number one is people, women especially, don’t openly have public conversations about sex, especially casual sex, sex before marriage and sex with more than one partner.  And in writing this, it makes it sound like I’m breaking all of these rules. I still believe in the sacred-sy of sex, but I can not explain the difficulty of trying to start a relationship in the midst of this sex-obsessed culture.

Agree or disagree with me, please have an open mind on this topic.

-A

*Below I have linked the two articles that sparked this blog post!! High recommend reading, especially the Vanity Fair one!

Elephant Journal Article

Vanity Fair Article

Ghosting 101

*I found this post in my ‘drafts’ and decided to revisit and post it. I sometimes write in moments of anger or frustration, and by the post you are about to read, this was obviously one of them.  This is not meant to come across as rude or hurtful and I am not trying to target or single anyone out in particular.  I just felt I had to share my side and my viewpoint.
-A

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Okay, maybe we should start with what ‘ghosting’ is (in my understanding). It is the deletion of people from one’s social media (ie. Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, SnapChat, etc.). Harsh? I guess in some people’s views, but here is my side of it.

If we dated or were friends, and we fell apart for whatever reason, to me that is where it ends. Why would I want you to have an insight into my life or allow myself the insight into yours? You chose to no longer be a part of my life.  Why should you get to see the events that go on in my life, the things that make me smile or the new experiences that I am having? If you hurt me, you don’t deserve to see me smile anymore.

There is a quote that often pops up on my Twitter or Tumblr and it says something about: “If they blocked you, then you won.” This quote drives me crazy because this quote calls me out, it says I’m the weak one.  It tells me that I am letting my exes, old friends, and people that have broken my heart win.  But I don’t see it like that.  There is no winning when someone’s heart is broken, or a friendship is lost.  There is only loss. Why should it matter who blocks who?  Who can withstand seeing the other person or people happy without you the longest?  Not only do I not want to you to see my life, but I don’t want to allow myself to see yours’.

People think my actions are selfish and you know what, maybe in some people’s eyes they are and I’m not going to try and change their minds.  I would rather not see what my exes or old friends are doing via social media, and if that’s selfish of me, then so be it. You can call me childish or immature and you can tell me I’m just trying to hurt the people that have hurt me, but in reality, I’m stopping myself from obsessing over Instagram posts and  SnapChats.  If I want to find out how these people are, I’m forcing myself to have to text or call them, not just creep their profiles.

Across my social media accounts, I try to spread positivity. I want to be surrounded by people who will congratulate me on my successes and appreciate how I see the world through the pictures I post.  I live my life for me, not the likes.

-A

Social Media or Social Suicide?

This past semester I took a class on Pop Culture. This class forced me to take a step back and really analyze our generation’s society. It is crazy to think that people are now able to create careers off of social media.  YouTube, Instagram.. many of the people I follow will make more money posting one video or picture than I have made in my entire life. Crazy. Absolutely crazy. Social media scares me, because I know I’ve been in situations myself, or seen the people around me do things just for the ‘likes’ and the gratification.  We’re all brave enough to post pictures, facts, knowledge, and insight of our lives to the unknown world. It’s kind of creepy and liberating at the same time.  People I have never talked to or met in my life know what I did yesterday or what I had for breakfast this morning.  The one thing people often forget when they are idolizing Instagram personalities is everything that people post is filtered. People wait for the perfect moment to take a picture, in the perfect setting, then choose the perfect filter to make this perfect photo look perfectly flawless. No one dares to post their raw, unfiltered, unperfect lives because who wants to see that right? In saying this all, I’m not trying to point fingers because when I was younger I learned that when you point a finger you have four pointing back at you. I am just as guilty as anyone.

I urged everyone to remember that not every perfect moment needs to be captured on camera.  That your worth is never based on the amounts of likes you get on it. And that not everything is as perfect behind the filters.