Modern Day Dating

Have no fear, Ashley is here.. to be the crash test dummy when it comes to dating in 2017.

First off, let’s just clear the table.. Where have I been for the last two months? Same place, doing the same things. haha Just kidding. I actually graduated in June and got a real life job. **Hold the applause. Going from working 5 part-time jobs, to a real life job, sounds like a dream come true, until I find myself working six 12 hour shifts in a row and missing out on all the fun summer things. Real life can kiss my butt haha (but seriously).

Okay, back to the reason for this post. Dating. The bane of my existence. The sour milk to my perfect cup of coffee and the clouds to a sunny summer day. Yea, yea, I know I’m being dramatic, but if you’ve lived my past couple years of dating, you’d understand where I’m coming from.

“Boys are just intimidated by you!”, “You’re too busy to date anyway!”, “Maybe you need to go for a different type of guy.”, I’ve heard every excuse and advice on dating that you could possibly think of, and guess what? I’m still single. I’ve gone for the “nice guy”, the “bad guy”, the “sporty guy” the “smart guy”, you name it, I’ve probably gone on a date with it. And after all of this “life experience,” we’ll call it, I still don’t know what I’m doing wrong.

Let’s start from the beginning. Meeting boys. The real question is how do single ladies even meet single men now a day? It’s not like I’m a hermit crab. I go out to coffee shops (probably too many of them if we’re being honest here), I’m a member at multiple gyms (again, probably too many) and I also like to go out to bars and pubs.. but 99% of the time no one comes up to me. Believe me, it’s not like in the movies, boys aren’t begging to buy me drinks, or offering to pay for my coffee. Cute guys don’t come up to me, saying cute one liners that make me blush. It’s usually an accidental butt graze and a creepy one-eye closed smile at 2:30am when the bar lights come on and people are getting kicked out of the club I’m at.. yea sign me up for that please.. not.

Tinder, let’s just get this one out of the way. Yea, I’m on Tinder and no I won’t message you first if we match.  Here’s the issue I see with Tinder.  Since I live in a smaller city you could call it, I know AT LEAST 75% of the guys on Tinder. Out of that, at least 50% of those guys follow me on some sort of social media or we’re Facebook friends. Do you really need to match me on Tinder to get the initiative to talk to me????? Why not just message me?? Or better yet, talk to me in person when we see each other out! Clearly with the amount of selfies and dog pictures I take, I’M STILL SINGLE. If I see you on TInder and I know you in actual real life, I will not swipe right on you. If you liked me enough you would talk to me in person.. Am I being too sceptical? Probably, but I don’t really care.

Okay, so say we’ve made it past the stage of getting asked out (or let’s be honest, asking the person out yourself) we move onto the oh-so-important texting stage. My personal favourite, because now it becomes a team effort of screen shotting text conversations and sending them to your all-girl group chats to try and figure out what to say back.. Oh you didn’t think we actually did this?? Sorry to burst your bubble, but we do. I’ve gotten to the point where I’m completely fed up and over this stage. I don’t like the texting games of “should I text him first” or “is it too soon to text him back” BS. Tell me to have a great day in the morning, maybe send a cute text in the afternoon and a nice “how was your day?” at night and I’ll be perfectly pleased. If you want to hang out, ASK ME, don’t assume I know, because I am a huge believer that: “Assuming makes an ASS out of U and ME”. haha

Okay, onto the actually ‘dating stage’ if you’re lucky enough to have made it here (most of the time I don’t because I get fed up of the texting and snap chatting phase) I think guys have forgotten how to take a girl on a date. A date is not watching Netflix at your place, with a possible offering of some kind of beverage (usually water because anything else takes too much effort). A date is not a 12am text on a Saturday night. Boys, those are straight up booty calls. Let me say that to you again. BOO-TAY calls. And hey, there’s nothing wrong with a good booty call, but be honest if that’s all you want. Remember, communication is key. If you don’t want to be called a f*ck boy, player or any other term in that category, claim a booty call for what it is, and don’t lead a poor girl on, thinking it’s something it’s not. **Spoiler alert, I’m usually the poor girl thinking it’s something it’s not.

Please, dating world, let’s try to rewind the time. Let’s appreciate and respect each other the way we all deserve to be treated. Stop the mind games, stop the dating of multiple people at once. If you like someone, tell them, don’t assume they know. If you just like their booty, make sure you draw the line so you’re not leading them on. Life is too short, don’t waste your time or other people’s time on fake love, or false feelings.

Respect. Communication. Truth.

That’s all I ask for.

Is that really too much?

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Social Media or Social Suicide?

This past semester I took a class on Pop Culture. This class forced me to take a step back and really analyze our generation’s society. It is crazy to think that people are now able to create careers off of social media.  YouTube, Instagram.. many of the people I follow will make more money posting one video or picture than I have made in my entire life. Crazy. Absolutely crazy. Social media scares me, because I know I’ve been in situations myself, or seen the people around me do things just for the ‘likes’ and the gratification.  We’re all brave enough to post pictures, facts, knowledge, and insight of our lives to the unknown world. It’s kind of creepy and liberating at the same time.  People I have never talked to or met in my life know what I did yesterday or what I had for breakfast this morning.  The one thing people often forget when they are idolizing Instagram personalities is everything that people post is filtered. People wait for the perfect moment to take a picture, in the perfect setting, then choose the perfect filter to make this perfect photo look perfectly flawless. No one dares to post their raw, unfiltered, unperfect lives because who wants to see that right? In saying this all, I’m not trying to point fingers because when I was younger I learned that when you point a finger you have four pointing back at you. I am just as guilty as anyone.

I urged everyone to remember that not every perfect moment needs to be captured on camera.  That your worth is never based on the amounts of likes you get on it. And that not everything is as perfect behind the filters.

so.. this is 25?

As I sit here at the university with 4 papers, 10 forum posts, and a 20 page take home final to write I find my mind wondering. Is this really the life we’re all intended to have. School, work, die.  Even writing that, it just sounds so depressing.  I am entering my final year of school (for this degree, **eye roll) and I cannot wait to.. hold a piece of paper and say “I did it”.  I wrote countless numbers of papers, had way too many sleepless, anxiety-filled nights, took one too many classes learning things that I will never use again.. hmm okay. I know I sound extremely stuck up and over-privileged, but I just can’t grasp the concept that this is all there is to life. I am beyond thankful to have gotten an education and lucky enough to have my parents help pay for it. I just wish I could see what my future looks like at this moment. I want to know that all this hard work and stress will be worth it in the end. I want to know my broken heart will one day be loved and appreciated by someone.  I want to know that money will not be something I focus my life on. I would be happy to work at a minimal paying job as long as it’s something I wake up every day wanting and loving to do.
The unknowns of the 20s, both a blessing and a curse.tumblr_o493khQd6C1rnsok6o1_1280