2019 Resolutions

Happy first month of 2019 my lovely friends!

How are you all coping?

I’ve been feeling quite anxious lately. I find the new year to hold a lot of pressure over us. We are expected to make all these changes and improvements on ourselves, but a lot of the time what happens is we set these unrealistic expectations and then are disappointed when we can’t keep up with them.

Personally, I do like the idea of resolutions. I think it’s an awesome time for people to step back and reflect on their lives and see where they would like to improve or see what things are not making them happy.

For myself, there are a few areas I would like to improve on.

2018 was a great year for a lot of realizations (que Kylie Jenner reference). I realized that I do let a lot of people occupy my time and energy that don’t necessarily deserve it. I don’t mean that in an arrogant way. I simply mean that these people weren’t giving me the growth, support or companionship, I was willing to give them.

I also realized how unhealthy the relationship between my body, food and exercise still was.

And lastly I realized that I have let my focus and goals drift from where they once were and this year I’d really like to get them back on track.

I am extra thankful for my struggles this year. They forced me to focus on myself and my friends around me and I really think that both the relationship with myself and my small friend group has never been stronger.

So without further ado. Here are my goals for 2019:

1) Stop ordering in food so much. With Skip and Dishes and Uber Eats, ordering-in has never been so tempting and I never in a million years thought I would be guilty of abusing this luxury, but this past year I got real bad. My goal for January was to cut this out completely and after a couple weeks into January, everything is going smoothly. This goal not only will save me money in the long run, but will help motivate me to cook more (which is another thing I’d love to improve on).

2) Decrease my alcohol consumption. This is something I have wanted to do for a while. I really really wish I could stop drinking all together and hopefully one day I will, but for now, I’d love to decrease the amount of alcohol I consume. I am definitely a social drinker and love indulging on the weekend after a long and stressful work week, but I’d also love to see myself take a step back from this.

3) Decrease the amount of “things” I keep buying. I have full on indulged largely in consumerism over the past few years and I really want to shift my focus back to solely what I NEED and not what I WANT. For the month of January I have also banned myself from buying clothes, makeup, etc. that I don’t NEED in this very moment. This has really made me realize how easily I throw my money at things I don’t need.

4) Continue to build a healthy relationship with myself. After suffering for years with bulimia, distorted eating and body-dismorfia, it has definitely been a journey in finding a healthy balance with all these things. I want to push myself, but not push myself too far. This next year I would really like to set some realistic goals when it comes to this area.

5) Refocus my goals. I really want to take a step back and refocus my goals this year. I would love to cross off a few travel destinations and also get my financial goals caught up. I would also love to put education on the top and front of all my to do lists.

I hope you all have an amazing 2019 that is full of growth, love and happiness! Cheers to you all!

-A

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Can someone be too nice?

I am such a hypocrite when it comes to some things, and I can call myself out on this, because well, it’s me calling myself out. I am forever telling people to make themselves happy first, to put themselves before others, and then here I am, trying to make sure the entire world has a smile on their faces before myself.

I love making other people happy and putting other people’s needs before my own, but I think I’ve finally realized that some people in life will take advantage of this. Does this mean I should change who I am, or stop doing nice things for people? Not necessarily. I think I need find a happy medium, a balance between making other people happy and making myself happy as well.

I did a huge computer purge last night while working a night shift. I went through my Icloud and deleted unnecessary things like photos and saved messages. I literally had old messages saved from 2014. How crazy is that?

I had messages saved when I had a falling out with my old group of best friends. I had messages from employers, family members, unknown numbers and exes. Going through these messages I noticed a lot of noteworthy things. For example in situations, I am the one who does the majority of the apologizing, even for situations that weren’t my fault. I always took the blame, almost as if to make the other person feel better about themselves, despite at the time it probably made me feel terrible.

With exes, I could physically see myself putting 100% more effort into conversations as I read through the messages. I could sense the disparity through my double texts, one-sided conversations and the continuity of ‘between the lines’ begging for reciprocation of feelings. I deleted these messages one by one as I read them, letting go of past feelings, letting go of past intentions and letting go of any future one-sided relationships.

Moving into this next year, I promise myself to stay true to who I am. I am a very nice person. I like making people smile and putting others before me. I like doing things for others and helping people through tough times, but I promise to not lose my happiness in the mix of life. I promise to not let unworthy people take advantage of my kindness.

This is my champagne year after all. I can’t let it go to waste!

-A

What To Do When You’re in a Slump

Well hello there,

Welcome to Ashley’s personal pity party, where all those who are down and sad about life are welcome to join. But in all seriousness, I’ve found myself in quite the low spot as of recently. I’m a pretty emotionally influenced person, so when the people around me are stressed and sad, I usually get the same and with the job I’m currently working at, this happens quite frequently. So I’ve decided to share my secrets, tips, and tricks to you all on how I get back on track and back to my normal happy self.

1) To start off if you didn’t already realize, writing is a huge stress relief for me because it gets all those kept inside feelings and thoughts out. I’m the same way with people, if I have something to say, I have to say it otherwise I just drown myself in the unsaid words.

2) I check what I’m eating. As a previous binge eater, I use to hide my feelings in food. When I’m sad I often find myself going back to these roots, but I’m a huge believer in a healthy gut makes a healthy mind. I eat a very clean diet, which makes me feel great. So in moments (like now), I make sure I’m fuelling my body with good foods so I won’t make myself feel guilty about binging out on junk foods.

3) Exercise. This one is major for me. Even just getting outside to go for a walk helps. I will literally lay in bed and dread going to a workout, but I’ll tell you a secret. I never regret going after the workout is done. An exercise of any sort is awesome for getting stress out and increasing the happy chemicals in your brain. I promise you, it might suck going, but after you’ll thank me.

4) Surround yourself with positive and supportive people. This one is extremely important. People’s minds are influenced immensely by the environment. If you’re surrounded by negative influences and people, your emotions will continue to be negative. Being around people who remind you that you’ll make it through this rough patch is critical. I’m grateful for my amazing friends every day.

5) Get to the root of your slump or sad feelings. Figure out why you got to this low point. Is it a negative relationship, money, school or anything else? Pin point it, and figure out what you can change. If you’re stuck in a bad relationship, either try and fix it or get the heck out. Don’t waste your time with a person who doesn’t deserve you. If you’re having money issues, take a step back and figure out where you could be spending your money smarter. If you’re not enjoying what you’re studying in school, stop right now and find your passion. Don’t let people pressure or convince you that there’s only one path in life.

6) This one is probably super cheesy, but I love looking up motivational quotes and pictures. Tumblr is my BFF. I find it so peaceful to read through motivating and relatable quotes. (You can make fun of me if you want!)

7) Think about all the positive things you have going for you. Make a list even. Think about all the positive attributes and qualities you have that people love about you. I don’t care if this sounds self-centered or self-absorbed. If you’re feeling down and you have no one there to tell you you’re awesome, tell yourself that! You, my friend, (whoever is reading this), are awesome, you make a difference in this world and without you here many people would be affected.

8) Music. This is another great one. Find the cheesiest, sing-a-long music you can think of and blast it. Throw yourself a dance party. I have two moods. I will either play my favourite pop songs (“Nothing’s Holding Me Back”, BANGER) and drive around pretending I’m a rock star, or I’ll play super depressing stuff and sit in my car and have a good cry. Both are very effective, but I personally suggest the pop star dance party.

9) Take a nap. I work four jobs, plus do a billion things on the side. Sleep isn’t something I always get enough of, so when I start getting anxious and sad, I try getting in a quick re-start nap. This one doesn’t always help me 100% of the time, but a little bit of beauty sleep never hurt anyone!

10) Give someone you love a hug. It can be a friend, parent, sibling, spouse, I don’t care. Find someone who cares about you, and give them the tightest hug. It always helps me.

11) **bonus Do something nice for someone else. This one is great. Not only will you feel great about yourself, but you’ll make someone else’s day better too. Examples of things you can do: buy the person’s coffee behind you in line, tell someone you like something they’re wearing or even just tell someone they look nice today. Making someone else smile will guarantee to make you smile too!

Love always.

-A

Opinions

I read a quote the other day, and it talked about the need for alone time. The need to be by one’s self to refresh, digest and formulate opinions. In our society, we are constantly influenced by those around us, even when we think we aren’t. People’s opinions are constantly filling our heads through social media forms like, Facebook, Twitter and Instagram, also through news sources on television and in the news paper and then there’s also advertisements that are pushed in front of our faces all the time. Everywhere we look, people are trying to convince us to think, act, and be a certain way.

Now more than ever alone time crucial to build our own thoughts and opinions. In this society, do you think it’s possible to build our own opinions without being influenced by those around us? With our cellphones being glued to our hands and thoughts always being pushed into our heads, the thought of unbiased opinions sounds like a hard concept to grasp.

I believe that in life there is never just one way to look at something, even though sometimes our society tries to convince us otherwise. I challenge each of you to form your own opinions on things. If something doesn’t seem right or correct to you, dare to think outside of the box. Sit in silence every once in a while. Let your thoughts form on their own. Decide if  you agree or disagree with what is being taught and told to you. It’s people in this world that choose to create their own ideas. thoughts and opinions that make a difference.  Remember though, to be open to all the opinions around you as well. If you are expecting people to be willing and open to your opinions, then you must treat their’s the same.

Have a great weekend loves!

Ash