What To Do When You’re in a Slump

Well hello there,

Welcome to Ashley’s personal pity party, where all those who are down and sad about life are welcome to join. But in all seriousness, I’ve found myself in quite the low spot as of recently. I’m a pretty emotionally influenced person, so when the people around me are stressed and sad, I usually get the same and with the job I’m currently working at, this happens quite frequently. So I’ve decided to share my secrets, tips, and tricks to you all on how I get back on track and back to my normal happy self.

1) To start off if you didn’t already realize, writing is a huge stress relief for me because it gets all those kept inside feelings and thoughts out. I’m the same way with people, if I have something to say, I have to say it otherwise I just drown myself in the unsaid words.

2) I check what I’m eating. As a previous binge eater, I use to hide my feelings in food. When I’m sad I often find myself going back to these roots, but I’m a huge believer in a healthy gut makes a healthy mind. I eat a very clean diet, which makes me feel great. So in moments (like now), I make sure I’m fuelling my body with good foods so I won’t make myself feel guilty about binging out on junk foods.

3) Exercise. This one is major for me. Even just getting outside to go for a walk helps. I will literally lay in bed and dread going to a workout, but I’ll tell you a secret. I never regret going after the workout is done. An exercise of any sort is awesome for getting stress out and increasing the happy chemicals in your brain. I promise you, it might suck going, but after you’ll thank me.

4) Surround yourself with positive and supportive people. This one is extremely important. People’s minds are influenced immensely by the environment. If you’re surrounded by negative influences and people, your emotions will continue to be negative. Being around people who remind you that you’ll make it through this rough patch is critical. I’m grateful for my amazing friends every day.

5) Get to the root of your slump or sad feelings. Figure out why you got to this low point. Is it a negative relationship, money, school or anything else? Pin point it, and figure out what you can change. If you’re stuck in a bad relationship, either try and fix it or get the heck out. Don’t waste your time with a person who doesn’t deserve you. If you’re having money issues, take a step back and figure out where you could be spending your money smarter. If you’re not enjoying what you’re studying in school, stop right now and find your passion. Don’t let people pressure or convince you that there’s only one path in life.

6) This one is probably super cheesy, but I love looking up motivational quotes and pictures. Tumblr is my BFF. I find it so peaceful to read through motivating and relatable quotes. (You can make fun of me if you want!)

7) Think about all the positive things you have going for you. Make a list even. Think about all the positive attributes and qualities you have that people love about you. I don’t care if this sounds self-centered or self-absorbed. If you’re feeling down and you have no one there to tell you you’re awesome, tell yourself that! You, my friend, (whoever is reading this), are awesome, you make a difference in this world and without you here many people would be affected.

8) Music. This is another great one. Find the cheesiest, sing-a-long music you can think of and blast it. Throw yourself a dance party. I have two moods. I will either play my favourite pop songs (“Nothing’s Holding Me Back”, BANGER) and drive around pretending I’m a rock star, or I’ll play super depressing stuff and sit in my car and have a good cry. Both are very effective, but I personally suggest the pop star dance party.

9) Take a nap. I work four jobs, plus do a billion things on the side. Sleep isn’t something I always get enough of, so when I start getting anxious and sad, I try getting in a quick re-start nap. This one doesn’t always help me 100% of the time, but a little bit of beauty sleep never hurt anyone!

10) Give someone you love a hug. It can be a friend, parent, sibling, spouse, I don’t care. Find someone who cares about you, and give them the tightest hug. It always helps me.

11) **bonus Do something nice for someone else. This one is great. Not only will you feel great about yourself, but you’ll make someone else’s day better too. Examples of things you can do: buy the person’s coffee behind you in line, tell someone you like something they’re wearing or even just tell someone they look nice today. Making someone else smile will guarantee to make you smile too!

Love always.

-A

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The Other Woman

I have been wanting to write this post for foreverrrrr.

But first I had to decide how I wanted people to portray it. Did I want to make people laugh, and take on a funny view to this term? Did I want to make people feel pity for the girls who are tagged as the “the side chick”, or did I want to throw it all down, the raw, real and naked truth?

Obviously, funny is always the easiest route, the second I would say is the pity route, then the hardest is when you lay down the truth. Truth is always the hardest because when people disagree with it, it hurts your writing ego a little bit. haha

Well, here we are. Ok ok I know, “Ashley, get to the point”. I’m heading there I promise. But first, a little back story.

So, what is a “side chick” or the “other woman”. Well, readers, this is what the trustful Urban Dictionary had to tell me:

the other woman; also known as the mistress; a female that is neither a male’s wife or girlfriend who has relations with the male while he is in another relationship

In society, the side chick is glamorized. She the more attractive woman, that’s better in bed and is always dressed to the 9s. She knows about the wife or girl friend but doesn’t care because inside she knows she’s better, hotter, sexier, etc.

But in real life, the side chick thinks she’s the only girl. She’s the one that gets the hate, even though it’s the husband or boyfriend that are making the wrong choices.

The side chick gets the “Are you awake?” at 3am text messages, whereas the partner gets the “Good morning beautiful” texts. The side chick gets the “You’re hot” DMs, whereas the partner gets the “I’m so happy I met you” comments on pictures. The side chick gets the creepy smirks across the bar, whereas the partner gets paraded around and shown off. Ok ok, I’m getting side tracked and jumping on the pity party train. Let’s take a new approach.

To the side chicks out there. You are better than him. You deserve to be shown off, to be loved and to be the only girl in someone’s life. Don’t let him convince you otherwise. Don’t let him tell you, you are his only one. Believe your gut feeling, because it is usually right.

To the wife/girlfriend/partner. Don’t let out all the blame on these girls that your man is fooling. Don’t compare yourself to them. Don’t hate them. They deserve the exact same thing you deserve. To be respected by a man and not played by a boy. Remember they might not know you exist, and that is not their fault. Remember to take a step back, and realize the blame should be dealt out accordingly.

To the man, or should I say boy. Who makes you think you’re so much better than those around you? Why do you think it’s fair to play with people’s hearts the way you have or waste people’s time the way you did? Think about the way you make these women feel like objects instead of human beings. These girls you are messing around with would give you the world, and you can’t even give them the respect they deserve.

I have been the side chick, the other woman and it has taught me a lot. Not only has it made me feel hurt and extremely guilty, but it was taught me about what I want and deserve in this crazy world of love. I want someone to care that I’m obsessed with the colour blue and sharks. I want them to remember my birthday without me having to remind them and to remember I’m allergic to kiwis. I want someone to call me just because I crossed their mind. I want them to be proud of me and want to introduce me to their friends. And most importantly I want to be respected and valued the way I respect and value the people who are important to me in my life.

Playing with people’s hearts or time is no joke, my friends. A person’s heart is the most beautiful thing about them. The way they smile while doing the things they love, with the people they love. And time should never be taken advantage of because it is something so valuable and limited.

Love others the way you want to be loved and treat people the way you want them to remember you.

-A

An Honest Lie

I think in all aspects of life. Honesty is the key. Honesty about feelings, intentions, dreams, wishes, needs, wants, dislikes and everything in between. The thing is, what happens when honesty hurts more than a lie?

Do you think a lie is alright if it saves a person from getting hurt?

In my opinion, I would rather be slapped in the face with the truth, than live under the safety blanket of a lie because that safety is only temporary. The truth will always come out, one way or other. It may not be in words, but can be found in the actions of another person.

If something doesn’t feel right, believe that instinct. Believe that feeling. Your intuition is a lot more accurate than you think.

Critiquing the Critiquers

Every single thing that happens in your life, shapes the person you are. Every person that comes into your life, every person that leaves your life and all the people and experiences in between.
I am not going to lie. I am the kind of person who over thinks and over analyzes every. single. situation. If a person looks at me the wrong way, my mind tells me they don’t like me. If someone doesn’t give me the check of approval, I must have done something wrong. As simple as someone not answering a text message, makes my mind work in over drive.
In saying this, every person that comes into my life and for some reason leaves, I take that onto myself and I take it very personally. Lost friendships, past relationships, I carry those things with me, often for far too long. I am not the kind of person that can easily forget things. I still over think experiences from elementary school. Like what?! Who does that?
While on Tumblr last night I reposted this quote that said:

“If someone treats you badly recognize that there is something wrong with them, not you. Normal people do not go around destroying other people.”

I immediately thought of a list of people I could send that too. All the people that made me focus on my flaws as negative things instead of beautiful things, all the people who have tried to change me along my path of life and to anyone who ever made me doubt myself or doubt my dreams.
After reposting this quote, I saw this one:

“It was a privilege to love you, and it was a privilege to let you go. Both helped shape me into the person I have become.”

I realized that the people in my past, though they may have hurt me, or broken my heart, they shaped me into the person I am. My chubby cheeks that one person may have criticized once, is something that another person loves about me. I am stronger because of the people and experiences of my past. They didn’t hold me down, or damper my worth. They lifted me up and made me realize how thankful I am for my flaws that make me different than the person next to me.
I think when you come to this realization, is when you can finally be happy. People will never stop criticizing you throughout your life, but we are all capable of moving past these criticisms and loving yourselves as we are. Make sure to surround yourself with people who view your flaws as beauty and lift you up when the criticisms from the world become too much for you to carry alone.

ox
Ash

2016-it was only as bad as you make it.

Over and over again, 2016 has been deemed the worst year ever.  At first, I thought it was only me after suffering from another seizure, losing my licence for another 6 months and having my heart stomped on by one too many boys, but supposedly I was wrong. Over and over again, funny memes, articles, tweets, Instagrams and lengthy facebook statuses, have named 2016 overall just bad.  The more people continue to say this, the more I turn around and look at my 2016.  Was it really as bad as I think? Was it really the worst year EVER?

I wanted to start off this coming year by writing a lengthy post about my resolutions and plan to create a better me in 2017.  I wanted to have inspirational quotes, to also help inspire all you to do the same.  You know what, while doing so, not only did I find some Ashley worthy quotes, I came to the realization that 2016 wasn’t all bad and I don’t really need a full makeover.

This year I learnt a lot about myself, a whole lot in fact. I learnt that saying ‘no’ to people won’t make them hate you.  I learnt that asking for help is perfectly okay. I learnt that no matter what, the people that want to be in your life, will be, no matter how busy you both are. I grew stronger friendships with so many life changing people. I told people my story and changed many lives by doing so and I shared my feelings, saving myself and the other people a lot of time if the feelings were not reciprocated. Good things happened in 2016 and bad things happened, but I think it’s important to learn your lessons from the bad things and concentrate on building on the good things.

Going into 2017, I have a lot I want to accomplish. I want to focus on myself and my dreams, and let the rest fall into place around me.  I read a quote the other day, that I really liked:

“When you are torn between 2 choices, always pick the one that will make the best story ” 

Elephant Journal

When I travel, this is how my mind thinks, and this year I want to start living my day to day life like this as well.

I also found this video that really made me think about how much we share on social media, and I think is another thing I am going to work on in 2017.

3 Things to Keep Private

The last thing I want to share is some positive things that happened in the world in 2016. We live in a society that concentrates on negativity. Our newspapers and news stations are filled with tragedies, deaths, disasters etc. and people often forget that good things happen every day and good people still exist.

Dear world, I wasn’t all bad. Signed, 2016 (Thank you to my friend Kyle for sharing this!)

I hope you all find happiness, love and adventure in your 2017s and you are able to look back on this past year and remember the good things that happened and learn from the bad things.
So much love and positive vibes to you all!

🙂

Ash

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**really cool idea to help you concentrate on the positive things that happen in your life throughout the year! 🙂

Time

The concept of time is such a crazy thing. A thing that so many people over think and over analyze. I was out with a group of friends last night and we started talking about how fast time starts to pass by the older you get.  One of my friends explained it really well.  He said when we’re first born, that first year of our life is our entire life.  The next year of our life, is literally half our life. Then the third year of our life is a third of our life, then a quarter, then a fifth.. etc etc. The older we get the less a year is in comparison to our entire life.  I never really thought of it like that before, but it makes sense when you put it like that.

I think the most important thing about time is how you choose to spend it and the people you choose to spend it with. Never ever waste your precious time on someone who wouldn’t be willing to spend their time on you or waste your time doing something you don’t love. This past year I learnt something very important.  If you spend your time making other people happy, and putting your time and effort into things that will leave an impact after your time passes, those are the things worth spending your time on. Time doing things that help others, is never time wasted.

“Time is something that cannot be bought, it cannot be wagered with God and it is not an endless supply. Time is simply how you live your life.” -Craig Sager

Though the concept of time, is way larger than any of us, it is all our own personal choices how we spend it. With 2016 coming to an end, and 2017 starting, I for one, am vouching to no longer waste my time on things that do not help me grow, smile or leave me feeling full. My goal in life has always been to leave some kind of impact on our world, and it is time I start working towards that goal.

This past week, the world lost another beautiful soul, Craig Sager. I had heard his name before, but I wasn’t really aware of the impact he made until I watched the video below. This is the kind of person I aspire to be.  Happy, positive, inspirational and life changing.

Craig Sager Tribute By NBAonTNT

Happy Holidays loves!

-Ash