The Other Woman

I have been wanting to write this post for foreverrrrr.

But first I had to decide how I wanted people to portray it. Did I want to make people laugh, and take on a funny view to this term? Did I want to make people feel pity for the girls who are tagged as the “the side chick”, or did I want to throw it all down, the raw, real and naked truth?

Obviously, funny is always the easiest route, the second I would say is the pity route, then the hardest is when you lay down the truth. Truth is always the hardest because when people disagree with it, it hurts your writing ego a little bit. haha

Well, here we are. Ok ok I know, “Ashley, get to the point”. I’m heading there I promise. But first, a little back story.

So, what is a “side chick” or the “other woman”. Well, readers, this is what the trustful Urban Dictionary had to tell me:

the other woman; also known as the mistress; a female that is neither a male’s wife or girlfriend who has relations with the male while he is in another relationship

In society, the side chick is glamorized. She the more attractive woman, that’s better in bed and is always dressed to the 9s. She knows about the wife or girl friend but doesn’t care because inside she knows she’s better, hotter, sexier, etc.

But in real life, the side chick thinks she’s the only girl. She’s the one that gets the hate, even though it’s the husband or boyfriend that are making the wrong choices.

The side chick gets the “Are you awake?” at 3am text messages, whereas the partner gets the “Good morning beautiful” texts. The side chick gets the “You’re hot” DMs, whereas the partner gets the “I’m so happy I met you” comments on pictures. The side chick gets the creepy smirks across the bar, whereas the partner gets paraded around and shown off. Ok ok, I’m getting side tracked and jumping on the pity party train. Let’s take a new approach.

To the side chicks out there. You are better than him. You deserve to be shown off, to be loved and to be the only girl in someone’s life. Don’t let him convince you otherwise. Don’t let him tell you, you are his only one. Believe your gut feeling, because it is usually right.

To the wife/girlfriend/partner. Don’t let out all the blame on these girls that your man is fooling. Don’t compare yourself to them. Don’t hate them. They deserve the exact same thing you deserve. To be respected by a man and not played by a boy. Remember they might not know you exist, and that is not their fault. Remember to take a step back, and realize the blame should be dealt out accordingly.

To the man, or should I say boy. Who makes you think you’re so much better than those around you? Why do you think it’s fair to play with people’s hearts the way you have or waste people’s time the way you did? Think about the way you make these women feel like objects instead of human beings. These girls you are messing around with would give you the world, and you can’t even give them the respect they deserve.

I have been the side chick, the other woman and it has taught me a lot. Not only has it made me feel hurt and extremely guilty, but it was taught me about what I want and deserve in this crazy world of love. I want someone to care that I’m obsessed with the colour blue and sharks. I want them to remember my birthday without me having to remind them and to remember I’m allergic to kiwis. I want someone to call me just because I crossed their mind. I want them to be proud of me and want to introduce me to their friends. And most importantly I want to be respected and valued the way I respect and value the people who are important to me in my life.

Playing with people’s hearts or time is no joke, my friends. A person’s heart is the most beautiful thing about them. The way they smile while doing the things they love, with the people they love. And time should never be taken advantage of because it is something so valuable and limited.

Love others the way you want to be loved and treat people the way you want them to remember you.

-A

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Modern Day Dating

Have no fear, Ashley is here.. to be the crash test dummy when it comes to dating in 2017.

First off, let’s just clear the table.. Where have I been for the last two months? Same place, doing the same things. haha Just kidding. I actually graduated in June and got a real life job. **Hold the applause. Going from working 5 part-time jobs, to a real life job, sounds like a dream come true, until I find myself working six 12 hour shifts in a row and missing out on all the fun summer things. Real life can kiss my butt haha (but seriously).

Okay, back to the reason for this post. Dating. The bane of my existence. The sour milk to my perfect cup of coffee and the clouds to a sunny summer day. Yea, yea, I know I’m being dramatic, but if you’ve lived my past couple years of dating, you’d understand where I’m coming from.

“Boys are just intimidated by you!”, “You’re too busy to date anyway!”, “Maybe you need to go for a different type of guy.”, I’ve heard every excuse and advice on dating that you could possibly think of, and guess what? I’m still single. I’ve gone for the “nice guy”, the “bad guy”, the “sporty guy” the “smart guy”, you name it, I’ve probably gone on a date with it. And after all of this “life experience,” we’ll call it, I still don’t know what I’m doing wrong.

Let’s start from the beginning. Meeting boys. The real question is how do single ladies even meet single men now a day? It’s not like I’m a hermit crab. I go out to coffee shops (probably too many of them if we’re being honest here), I’m a member at multiple gyms (again, probably too many) and I also like to go out to bars and pubs.. but 99% of the time no one comes up to me. Believe me, it’s not like in the movies, boys aren’t begging to buy me drinks, or offering to pay for my coffee. Cute guys don’t come up to me, saying cute one liners that make me blush. It’s usually an accidental butt graze and a creepy one-eye closed smile at 2:30am when the bar lights come on and people are getting kicked out of the club I’m at.. yea sign me up for that please.. not.

Tinder, let’s just get this one out of the way. Yea, I’m on Tinder and no I won’t message you first if we match.  Here’s the issue I see with Tinder.  Since I live in a smaller city you could call it, I know AT LEAST 75% of the guys on Tinder. Out of that, at least 50% of those guys follow me on some sort of social media or we’re Facebook friends. Do you really need to match me on Tinder to get the initiative to talk to me????? Why not just message me?? Or better yet, talk to me in person when we see each other out! Clearly with the amount of selfies and dog pictures I take, I’M STILL SINGLE. If I see you on TInder and I know you in actual real life, I will not swipe right on you. If you liked me enough you would talk to me in person.. Am I being too sceptical? Probably, but I don’t really care.

Okay, so say we’ve made it past the stage of getting asked out (or let’s be honest, asking the person out yourself) we move onto the oh-so-important texting stage. My personal favourite, because now it becomes a team effort of screen shotting text conversations and sending them to your all-girl group chats to try and figure out what to say back.. Oh you didn’t think we actually did this?? Sorry to burst your bubble, but we do. I’ve gotten to the point where I’m completely fed up and over this stage. I don’t like the texting games of “should I text him first” or “is it too soon to text him back” BS. Tell me to have a great day in the morning, maybe send a cute text in the afternoon and a nice “how was your day?” at night and I’ll be perfectly pleased. If you want to hang out, ASK ME, don’t assume I know, because I am a huge believer that: “Assuming makes an ASS out of U and ME”. haha

Okay, onto the actually ‘dating stage’ if you’re lucky enough to have made it here (most of the time I don’t because I get fed up of the texting and snap chatting phase) I think guys have forgotten how to take a girl on a date. A date is not watching Netflix at your place, with a possible offering of some kind of beverage (usually water because anything else takes too much effort). A date is not a 12am text on a Saturday night. Boys, those are straight up booty calls. Let me say that to you again. BOO-TAY calls. And hey, there’s nothing wrong with a good booty call, but be honest if that’s all you want. Remember, communication is key. If you don’t want to be called a f*ck boy, player or any other term in that category, claim a booty call for what it is, and don’t lead a poor girl on, thinking it’s something it’s not. **Spoiler alert, I’m usually the poor girl thinking it’s something it’s not.

Please, dating world, let’s try to rewind the time. Let’s appreciate and respect each other the way we all deserve to be treated. Stop the mind games, stop the dating of multiple people at once. If you like someone, tell them, don’t assume they know. If you just like their booty, make sure you draw the line so you’re not leading them on. Life is too short, don’t waste your time or other people’s time on fake love, or false feelings.

Respect. Communication. Truth.

That’s all I ask for.

Is that really too much?