M.I.A.

Do you ever wish you could just disappear for a while, take a quick time-out from life?
If so, that’s exactly how I’ve been feeling as of lately.

After I got back from my quick break to Toronto, I was feeling refreshed and inspired. What a beautiful city, filled with so many amazing people, cultures, works of art and more. The trip was nothing like I expected it to be, but it ended up being exactly what I needed.

Coming home, reality hit me hard. I felt disorganised, behind in school (after only missing one day), actually more uninspired, lonely, broken, hurt.. etc etc. Anxiety hit me, demons came back and all I wanted to do is hide in my sheet-less bed.

You can always tell when I’m going through a rough time because I don’t write. If I did write, maybe it would actually help, but all I want to do is hide from life, my friends, my responsibilities, just life in general.

If you saw me in real life, if you saw my facebookΒ or my social media, you would have no idea I’m going through a hard time because society doesn’t want us to appear as weak, hurt, sad or defeated. Over this year a lot of things defeated me, beat me down and every once in a while I let these things get the best of me. I try so hard to be seen as this happy, positive ball of energy. I like when people compliment me for always having a smile on my face and always laughing. I like when people turn to me for advice or confide in me. Β But sometimes, I then am left feeling I have no one to turn to because I don’t want people to see this vulnerable/weaker/sadder side of me.

In reality, every single one of us has these moments. Even celebrities, even the world’s best sports players, teachers, professors, doctors.. everyone. I should never feel ashamed of my feelings, for having to ask for help, or for taking the time to stay in bed for a couple hours if I need to. I shouldn’t have to feel guilty and none of you should either.

Life is not easy. Life is never as perfect as Instagram or social media makes it look, but every bump in the road makes you stronger. Don’t be afraid to ask for help or to tell someone you’re having a bad day. Never be embarrassed about how you feel.

Great article to help understand what anxiety is like:Β Anxiety Is An Invalid Excuse.

-A

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