Walk Away or Stay

It’s officially my birthday month and growing one more year further from my mid-twenties when I first started this blog, to my late twenties where things are still unknown.

I’ve learned quite a lot since starting this blog. I think the most important thing is to always be honest with your thoughts, emotions, feelings, actions and everything else in between.  Not only should you be honest with yourself about these things, but be honest with the people around you as well.

In the past, I have lost so many nights of sleep overthinking situations, overthinking emotions and overthinking things I’ve done. But why?? What is the point of torturing myself for things I can’t even control a lot of the time? I have every right to feel certain ways. If someone hurts my feelings, why shouldn’t I be allowed to feel hurt or betrayed or misused. Maybe in another person’s eyes, I’m overreacting, or being over emotional, but you know what, who fricken cares?! Let me pout, let me feel. I will never numb or silence my emotions or feelings because they might make another person feel uncomfortable.

For the people who know me personally, they probably know I ‘feel’ a lot. I put my heart and soul into everything I do and I tend to take things extra personally. Yes, I know, this 100% gets me in trouble more than it may benefit me, but that is the way I am and I honestly don’t ever want to change it. Putting my heart into the things I do, makes me who I am. Makes me the person that I have grown to love, regardless if another person might find that hard to love.

I think the best things in life, are the things that make you uncomfortable. The things that push you to grow and be a better version of yourself. No, I am nowhere close to being perfect and no, I am nowhere close to not making mistakes on a daily, but I have come so far from the girl that would rather bite her tongue than risk telling another person how I’m feeling because they may walk away from me.

-A

 

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Get to know me!

A little about me:
I am a 25-year-old, energetic, adventure lover.  I have been in school for far longer than I would like to admit, but will finally be graduating in 2017 with a major in Sociology and a minor in Psychology. Sociology is quite fascinating and not just an easy elective like people like to think. Studying it has really opened my eyes to why the world works the way it does. I consider myself an introverted extrovert, which I think would surprise a lot of people because most people know me as the girl with the big white teeth and the obnoxious laugh. I am a dance teacher, a member of the Rider Cheer Team and the co-coach of the U of R Dance Team.

Few things people don’t know about me:
-I will be applying to do an after degree in education.  It took me way too long to figure out that teaching and children were what I am passionate about, but I’m happy I got here!
-I am in recovery from an eating disorder.  I say in recovery instead of recovered because it is something I will probably struggle with for the rest of my life.  Unlike other mental illnesses like alcoholism or a drug addiction where the substance that is causing the issue can be eliminated from the person’s life, food cannot be.  I don’t like to talk about this, because I like the positive view that people have of me, and I never want something like this to distort that, but at the same time, I think it is important for me too because I want to be a role model.  I want people to understand that mental illness doesn’t mean you are broken, or unloveable or imperfect, it makes you a survivor, it makes you stronger and it makes you perfectly imperfect.
-I hope to one day write a book about my struggles in hope you inspire and encourage people to push through their struggles, and to know that anything they’re going through will only make them stronger in the end.

Thoughts on society’s concept of beauty:
I think society has created this unreachable concept of beauty, but I think our generation is doing a good job of changing it.  There are so many amazing people out there now a day, standing up against this mould that has been created.  I think beauty comes in all shapes, sizes, colours, ages, genders, races etc.  I think everyone is beautiful in their own way and it’s just sad that society can’t acknowledge this.  I think it’s so so so important to love yourself first, because if you love yourself, then there’s no way you’ll ever let society tell you you’re not good enough.

Most valuable lesson I’ve learnt so far:
I think the most important lesson I’ve learnt is to love yourself first. I spent way too many years trying to be someone I wasn’t, trying to be the person I thought I had to be to make people like me, but in reality if those people didn’t like me for who I truly was, then those people didn’t deserve to be part of my life anyway. I would love to get the years and the sleepless nights back of wishing I was someone else, and that I had a different life, because now that I’m finally happy with myself and with my life, I wouldn’t trade it for the world.

Advice for others:
Never ever ever ever ever let anyone tell you you’re not good enough or make you feel like you need to change. Each and every one of us is unique for a reason and each of us deserves to be surrounded by people who will accept and cherish this about us.

🙂

-Ash