The Other Woman

I have been wanting to write this post for foreverrrrr.

But first I had to decide how I wanted people to portray it. Did I want to make people laugh, and take on a funny view to this term? Did I want to make people feel pity for the girls who are tagged as the “the side chick”, or did I want to throw it all down, the raw, real and naked truth?

Obviously, funny is always the easiest route, the second I would say is the pity route, then the hardest is when you lay down the truth. Truth is always the hardest because when people disagree with it, it hurts your writing ego a little bit. haha

Well, here we are. Ok ok I know, “Ashley, get to the point”. I’m heading there I promise. But first, a little back story.

So, what is a “side chick” or the “other woman”. Well, readers, this is what the trustful Urban Dictionary had to tell me:

the other woman; also known as the mistress; a female that is neither a male’s wife or girlfriend who has relations with the male while he is in another relationship

In society, the side chick is glamorized. She the more attractive woman, that’s better in bed and is always dressed to the 9s. She knows about the wife or girl friend but doesn’t care because inside she knows she’s better, hotter, sexier, etc.

But in real life, the side chick thinks she’s the only girl. She’s the one that gets the hate, even though it’s the husband or boyfriend that are making the wrong choices.

The side chick gets the “Are you awake?” at 3am text messages, whereas the partner gets the “Good morning beautiful” texts. The side chick gets the “You’re hot” DMs, whereas the partner gets the “I’m so happy I met you” comments on pictures. The side chick gets the creepy smirks across the bar, whereas the partner gets paraded around and shown off. Ok ok, I’m getting side tracked and jumping on the pity party train. Let’s take a new approach.

To the side chicks out there. You are better than him. You deserve to be shown off, to be loved and to be the only girl in someone’s life. Don’t let him convince you otherwise. Don’t let him tell you, you are his only one. Believe your gut feeling, because it is usually right.

To the wife/girlfriend/partner. Don’t let out all the blame on these girls that your man is fooling. Don’t compare yourself to them. Don’t hate them. They deserve the exact same thing you deserve. To be respected by a man and not played by a boy. Remember they might not know you exist, and that is not their fault. Remember to take a step back, and realize the blame should be dealt out accordingly.

To the man, or should I say boy. Who makes you think you’re so much better than those around you? Why do you think it’s fair to play with people’s hearts the way you have or waste people’s time the way you did? Think about the way you make these women feel like objects instead of human beings. These girls you are messing around with would give you the world, and you can’t even give them the respect they deserve.

I have been the side chick, the other woman and it has taught me a lot. Not only has it made me feel hurt and extremely guilty, but it was taught me about what I want and deserve in this crazy world of love. I want someone to care that I’m obsessed with the colour blue and sharks. I want them to remember my birthday without me having to remind them and to remember I’m allergic to kiwis. I want someone to call me just because I crossed their mind. I want them to be proud of me and want to introduce me to their friends. And most importantly I want to be respected and valued the way I respect and value the people who are important to me in my life.

Playing with people’s hearts or time is no joke, my friends. A person’s heart is the most beautiful thing about them. The way they smile while doing the things they love, with the people they love. And time should never be taken advantage of because it is something so valuable and limited.

Love others the way you want to be loved and treat people the way you want them to remember you.

-A

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Permanence

Do you ever just stop and think about the people you’ve lost in your life. Stop and get that terrible, dreadful feeling in the pit of your stomach. Do you stop and wonder how you’ve been living your life without them. Just stop and think about what they would be doing right now, what impact they would be having in your life at that very moment. Stop and think about what they would tell you. Do you ever just wish you could say one more thing to them, give them one more hug, smell them one more time to make sure you never forget that scent.  Do you ever wish you could look into their eyes again, look at their face and remember every wrinkle, line and mark.
..because I do.

 

Battle of the Sexes: Can girls date like boys?

If I wanted this post to be sweet and simple, my answer would solely be ‘no’. No, in the eyes of our society, girls cannot date the same way like boys.

But obviously, you’re not here for the short and simple answer. You’re here to read me write myself in circles.

First off, I should explain what I mean by: date like a boy. By this I mean multiple girls at the same time, balancing feelings between them all and somehow having them all not know about each other. In no way am I saying all boys date like this, or that this is wrong. People can live and date however they want, I’m just here to speak my side.

I’m not even good at dating one person, let alone multiple people at once. Yes, I’ve texted more than one boy and yes, I’ve tried out the whole Tinder dating app but how on Earth do people have time (or energy) to hang out with multiple people. I don’t even have time to do my laundry or cook proper meals, let alone make myself look socially acceptable to go on a date every night of the week.

I also can’t have feelings for multiple people at once.  This could 100% be something that’s just me, but I know I have friends that have voiced the same thing.  Being attracted to someone and having feelings for someone, is two totally different things. I am attracted to multiple people, but when I have feelings for someone (true feelings), they are only for that one person. The difference here, between the way I date and the way some boys date, could be that I date for feelings, not for attraction. Of course having an attraction for the person you’re dating is important, but feelings are what build and make relationships last.

I also think society doesn’t think girls should date multiple people. When guys do it, they’re “playing the field”, “testing the waters”, or “wheeling the ladies”. When girls do it, we’re “slutty”, “whores”, or “damaged goods”. This is definitely a double standard and concept that has been stuck for many, many years.

Ladies, if you want to date multiple people, do your thang, don’t let people judge or label you for it.

Boys, if you’re dating multiple girls, make sure they know you’re doing that.

 

An Honest Lie

I think in all aspects of life. Honesty is the key. Honesty about feelings, intentions, dreams, wishes, needs, wants, dislikes and everything in between. The thing is, what happens when honesty hurts more than a lie?

Do you think a lie is alright if it saves a person from getting hurt?

In my opinion, I would rather be slapped in the face with the truth, than live under the safety blanket of a lie because that safety is only temporary. The truth will always come out, one way or other. It may not be in words, but can be found in the actions of another person.

If something doesn’t feel right, believe that instinct. Believe that feeling. Your intuition is a lot more accurate than you think.

Critiquing the Critiquers

Every single thing that happens in your life, shapes the person you are. Every person that comes into your life, every person that leaves your life and all the people and experiences in between.
I am not going to lie. I am the kind of person who over thinks and over analyzes every. single. situation. If a person looks at me the wrong way, my mind tells me they don’t like me. If someone doesn’t give me the check of approval, I must have done something wrong. As simple as someone not answering a text message, makes my mind work in over drive.
In saying this, every person that comes into my life and for some reason leaves, I take that onto myself and I take it very personally. Lost friendships, past relationships, I carry those things with me, often for far too long. I am not the kind of person that can easily forget things. I still over think experiences from elementary school. Like what?! Who does that?
While on Tumblr last night I reposted this quote that said:

“If someone treats you badly recognize that there is something wrong with them, not you. Normal people do not go around destroying other people.”

I immediately thought of a list of people I could send that too. All the people that made me focus on my flaws as negative things instead of beautiful things, all the people who have tried to change me along my path of life and to anyone who ever made me doubt myself or doubt my dreams.
After reposting this quote, I saw this one:

“It was a privilege to love you, and it was a privilege to let you go. Both helped shape me into the person I have become.”

I realized that the people in my past, though they may have hurt me, or broken my heart, they shaped me into the person I am. My chubby cheeks that one person may have criticized once, is something that another person loves about me. I am stronger because of the people and experiences of my past. They didn’t hold me down, or damper my worth. They lifted me up and made me realize how thankful I am for my flaws that make me different than the person next to me.
I think when you come to this realization, is when you can finally be happy. People will never stop criticizing you throughout your life, but we are all capable of moving past these criticisms and loving yourselves as we are. Make sure to surround yourself with people who view your flaws as beauty and lift you up when the criticisms from the world become too much for you to carry alone.

ox
Ash