Well now that I have your attention, let’s get down to the real topic.. haha just kidding, it is sex. Sex, casual dating, hookups and everything in between.
My interest in this topic sparked when I read an article from Elephant Journal (which I will have linked below). I don’t always agree with everything Elephant Journal writes about, but they always bring up very interesting topics. Once I clicked on this article, more and more began to appear on the topic of dating and the hookup culture.
This topic probably sparks my interest so much cause I am literally right in the center of it all. Desperately hoping I will not be single for the rest of my life. The issue for me is, maybe I want to be. With all the options out there today to connect with people all over the world, are people really ever going to be completely satisfied with one person for the rest of their lives. Obviously, being an optimist, I hope so, but if you look at all the stats nowadays, it frightens me a little bit.
Before the time of Facebook and Tinder, people met through friends, family, and proximity (meaning the area you live in), now our options to meet future partners are literally endless. I have people from around the world that add me on social media accounts. There are ways to connect with almost any person you can possibly imagine. Tinder now has the option to swipe anywhere you want in the world and there are not only local dating sites but also worldwide ones. With all these options out there, is anyone ever going to be 100% satisfied with just having me?
I’m not going to put the blame entirely on our culture because I know for a fact the men I usually go for are known to have a wandering eye but I’ve literally gotten to the point in my dating life, where I feel the need to state: “I am not only looking to have sex with you” on every first date I go on. Is sex really a requirement for first dates, because that is how it feels.
Women tend to get the wrath for a lot of things in our society. Yes, I do take a lot of women focused university classes, so I get to see and study a lot of first-hand things that happen to women in our world, so maybe that’s why I tend to notice it a lot more in my everyday life as well, but seriously. The United States just elected a man who used the phrase “grab ’em by their pussy”, to run their country…. Please try and tell me that women and men are treated equally in today’s world. This unequal treatment translates over to dating. I feel like when it comes to casual dating and the hookup culture, women aren’t allowed to do it. Men make the rules and women try to keep up with them. “Is it too soon to text him?” “Is it slutty, if I’m talking to more than one guy at once?” “Will he think I’m too clingy if I ask him to hang out, instead of waiting for him to ask me?” The unwritten rules of casual dating (for women only), because it’s a game after all, right? **insert eye roll
In saying this, I am going to make a disclaimer and say that it’s not the case that men don’t also get the wrath, for example, the term: fuckboy. This was created just for men. I’ve also heard multiple men say that women have just started classifying all men into this category and there are men out there that aren’t like this (IF YOU ARE ONE OF THESE MEN AND YOU ARE READING THIS, PLEASE CONTACT ME.. hahah)
For me, I can’t just have sex with someone and not catch feelings for them, I don’t know if that’s a personal trait or if that’s a female trait, but sorry hookup culture, you aren’t for me. Sex is great and all, but you know what’s even better?? Sex when you care about the other person and when the only thought in your head isn’t just about your own pleasure but also of theirs. Maybe that’s a personal choice I need to make. To start refusing to only be used as a late night booty call, and wait for someone who is willing to share themselves with me.. Maybe I need to accept that lonely nights, will be worth finding a life long partner in the end.
I know I will be easily criticised for writing any part of this blog entry. Rule number one is people, women especially, don’t openly have public conversations about sex, especially casual sex, sex before marriage and sex with more than one partner. And in writing this, it makes it sound like I’m breaking all of these rules. I still believe in the sacred-sy of sex, but I can not explain the difficulty of trying to start a relationship in the midst of this sex-obsessed culture.
Agree or disagree with me, please have an open mind on this topic.
*Below I have linked the two articles that sparked this blog post!! High recommend reading, especially the Vanity Fair one!
Elephant Journal Article
Vanity Fair Article