I sit, as I have before, feeling alone, heartbroken and empty. The feeling you get when you fail an exam, or you don’t get the job you applied for. The feeling that leaves you speechless, regretful and numb.
Why did I let myself get here again? Why did I allow a person have this control over me yet another time? Why did I ever believe it would be different?
I’m frustrated that I never get the chance to share my life with another person. I’m upset that yet again, I let myself believe that a person might actually want to be with me. And I’m extremely sad, that I allowed myself to trust someone enough and let them into my life and my thoughts.
Time is the most valuable thing you can give someone. Not money, not bought items, not flowers or jewelry. But memories, deep conversations, late night laughs and minutes of your day. The worst thing is when you regret giving this time to a person. When you don’t learn a lesson or leave with happy memories or thoughts. When you’re left with words to say, and no one there to listen.
How do you move forward, when unsaid words feel like weights holding you back? How do you make sense of a situation when you’re still confused at what really went wrong?
I would rather spend time alone, then spend time with someone who makes me feel even more alone when they leave.