Can someone be too nice?

I am such a hypocrite when it comes to some things, and I can call myself out on this, because well, it’s me calling myself out. I am forever telling people to make themselves happy first, to put themselves before others, and then here I am, trying to make sure the entire world has a smile on their faces before myself.

I love making other people happy and putting other people’s needs before my own, but I think I’ve finally realized that some people in life will take advantage of this. Does this mean I should change who I am, or stop doing nice things for people? Not necessarily. I think I need find a happy medium, a balance between making other people happy and making myself happy as well.

I did a huge computer purge last night while working a night shift. I went through my Icloud and deleted unnecessary things like photos and saved messages. I literally had old messages saved from 2014. How crazy is that?

I had messages saved when I had a falling out with my old group of best friends. I had messages from employers, family members, unknown numbers and exes. Going through these messages I noticed a lot of noteworthy things. For example in situations, I am the one who does the majority of the apologizing, even for situations that weren’t my fault. I always took the blame, almost as if to make the other person feel better about themselves, despite at the time it probably made me feel terrible.

With exes, I could physically see myself putting 100% more effort into conversations as I read through the messages. I could sense the disparity through my double texts, one-sided conversations and the continuity of ‘between the lines’ begging for reciprocation of feelings. I deleted these messages one by one as I read them, letting go of past feelings, letting go of past intentions and letting go of any future one-sided relationships.

Moving into this next year, I promise myself to stay true to who I am. I am a very nice person. I like making people smile and putting others before me. I like doing things for others and helping people through tough times, but I promise to not lose my happiness in the mix of life. I promise to not let unworthy people take advantage of my kindness.

This is my champagne year after all. I can’t let it go to waste!

-A

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2018.

2018. Where has the time gone (cliche, I know)..

I am excited about this year. 2018, the year of me. That’s what I’m self-proclaiming it as.

I’m going to keep this short and simple. If I write down my intentions for this year, then I am not the only one who is holding me accountable for keeping them.

I keep saying it, but I think a lot of changes are coming for me this year. Whether that means: location, travel, love, career or anything else. I’m taking it all in with open arms.

The first thing I really want to work on is consistency, in all or most aspects of my life.  My trainer and mentor actually brought this up to me recently. He said I need to be more consistent in my training, but then I started thinking about and implying it to all aspects of my life. Yes, I really want to become more consistent with my training again, because it is a great release for me, but I also want to be more consistent in my friendships, in answering texts and emails, in keeping my living environment clean and tidy, in making and sticking to a budget.. etc. I think consistency will greatly improve my mental health along with other aspects of my life.

The next thing I want to work on is my work/life balance. I drowned myself in work this year. My bank account is grateful, but my social life and mental state are not so much. I want to be able to be happy and feel fulfilled in both aspects of my life without feeling the demand of financial pressures or the guilt of not being social enough.

Thirdly, I want to start putting myself first. I love that I love helping people, but everyone deserves to be selfish every once in a while. I want to stop letting men, employees, family members and friends walk all over me and taking advantage of me. I want to say ‘No’ more often, take more ‘me days’ and give to myself as much as I give to others.

Apologize for less. This one may sound a little weird. But I put blame on myself for absolutely everything. Break-ups= my fault. Bad days at work= my fault. Etc. Etc. Etc. Not everything is my fault, and not everything is in my control. I need to remember that I can’t control other people’s reactions, moods or feelings. Not everything is my fault.

Lastly, I want to take big steps in my career, whether that means applying for my master’s program, moving somewhere to get more experience, continuing to apply for full-time positions, whatever it takes! #adulting

I find people (including myself) often focus on the negative events that happen during the year: break-ups, accidents, deaths etc. Everyone heals and handles these things differently, but once you take a step back and take a look at the entire year as a whole, so many beautiful things also have happened. Focus on those things. Grow. Move on. Celebrate your acheivements. 2017 is only as good as you make it out to be.

Cheers loves. I hope this year brings you all everything you want and need in life.
🙂

-A

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I miss you.

I think sometimes, as humans, we just need to be told we’re missed by another person.

The “I miss you” words, don’t necessarily have to be said with intent, but they just need to be heard.

These words could come from an ex, a faraway friend, a long lost family member or anything in between, but these words are proof that you did make a difference in another person’s life. That your presence left an impression, one that they miss from time to time, or maybe a lot.

An “I miss you” could give you the comfort that another person thinks about you, maybe as much as you think of them.

It shows that you crossed their mind, that something in their day to day life, reminded them of you.

It proves that despite how things were left off with this person, they still have a positive memory of you, enough to miss you, to miss your presence, your smile, your laugh or simply your being.

Always remember that, even on your lonely days. Someone misses you. Someone out there is thinking about you. And someone enjoys you just the way you are.

27 things I’m Going to Work on This Year

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Last year for my birthday I wrote the 26 things I learnt in 26 years of my life, so this year I’m changing it up. I’m going to talk about the things I want to work on this year. Basically like New Year resolutions, but wayyyy cooler.

To start off, I’d just like to state.. HOW ON EARTH AM I ALREADY 27.. what da heck!? I really need to step back and rethink the title of my blog since it’s starting to age me. (Hahaha- sarcastically laughing to make myself feel better).

I can’t believe the vision I used to have about this age when I was younger. I mean I feel like we all talked about how we thought we’d be married, having kids, with stable careers at this age. I would love all those things, but I also love the path I’m on. It’ll definitely make for great stories one day….

Here are the 27 things I’m going to work on, or continue working on this year!

1) Praise myself more often. I had a great conversation the other day with some clients at work. We talked about how our society is obsessed with always needing to do better, and that we never stop and appreciate how far we’ve come and praise ourselves for what we’ve accomplished. This year I want to stop and be thankful for how far I’ve come and for all the things I’ve accomplished.

2) Stop using ‘busy’ as an excuse. I’m a huge believer that a person can always make time for the things they want to in life, yet I am constantly making the excuse that I’m too busy to do things. I need to be more honest with my true feelings and stop using my work as an excuse.

3) On the same note, I need to stop being so busy, and start saying ‘no’ more often. I can’t do everything, I need to realize that before I work myself to the bone!

4) Tell people how much they mean to me more often.

5) Spend more quality time with my grandma.

6) Practise my Spanish more before I lose it.

7) Spend less time on my phone, specially right before bed.

8) Stop eating food in my bed. I’ve woken up to too many melted chocolate chips in my bed (I wish I was kidding).

9) Be better with my money. I’ve actually gotten a lot better, but I need to continue to save, and spend money on needs and not wants.

10) Listen to the men I bring into my life. I often get caught up making up love stories and situations in my head. But I need to stop and realize that if a boy isn’t making time for me, he doesn’t truly want to.

11) Read more!

12) Keep my room more organized.

13) Make time for the meaningful relationships in my life, like family and friends.

14) Forgiveness. Holding onto grudges hurts no one else except myself. I need to learn to let go and move on.

15) Don’t stress about the things I can’t control in my life. I can’t control what people say about me. I can’t control another persons feelings about me. I can only be kind and be myself.

16) Stop blocking people out of my life. Use my words to express my feelings and not the “block” button.

17) Disconnect more often from social media.

18) Find new passions that make me happy.

19) Cook and bake more.

20) Start the things I keep telling myself I’ll do later in life.

21) Take myself on dates. Buy myself flowers. Who needs a man for those things?

22) Stop unnecessarily filtering myself because I’m scared people won’t like who I am.

23) And at the same time, stop trying to filter others because I’m scared of how people will also view them (that’s not my problem).

24) Stop worrying so much about pleasing others, and please myself.

25) Stop filtering my emotions. I’m allowed to feel however I want to and don’t need to feel sorry for that.

26) Answer phone calls, texts, emails, etc. as soon as I can. It’s the adult thing to do.

27) Stop allowing an age define me and where I should be in life.

My Story is me.

Everyone has a story and your story is whatever you want to make it. Your story is what is important to you. It’s different situations and different circumstances. It’s battles that have been won and lost.  Your story is you.  My question is: is it important to tell your story?

I read in a book that by telling your story you are creating yourself.  Some people can’t feel like they’ve lived without telling their story.

This topic for me sparked when I was asked in one of my last ever university classes, what brought me to study sociology.  Luckily, I was very last, so I had lots of time to think about my story or alter what I was going to say depending on what other people were saying. By the time it got to me, my story had changed a lot then how I would have told it if I was first. Surprisingly, my story got longer and more in-depth as I listened to others people’s stories.

In my story, I talked a lot about being lost, not knowing what I wanted to do in my life, and stumbling upon studying sociology out of desperation.  I still stand true to this.  If sociology has done anything for me, it has taught me about life and about people. I analyze situations more and understand how and why people act or react in the ways they do. I understand pop culture and climate change, social structures and how each individual is shaped through experiences. I also have a better understanding of why people are the way they are and with this knowledge, I have been able to grow and excel in many different jobs and relationships.

I see a lot of people on social media criticizing others that talk about their past experiences or issues. People will often say they’re doing it for attention or the want for pity and even as I grow and share more about myself, I often feel that people think this about me. BUT, I have finally come to the point in my life that I no longer care what people think.  There will forever be people that are going to talk negatively about you, even if you’re the nicest person in the world. People love talking. People get jealous. People like to criticize anything out of the norm. And people hate change. That’s life.

I think transparency is extremely important for me. I used to say I thought it was important for everyone, but I remembered that not everyone wants to share their stories. For me, I think sharing my struggles, triumphs, losses, victories and everything in between in an important part of who I am. I like connecting with people in this way. I like being able to say: “Me too, I was there, I went through that too, I’ve also felt that”.. etc. I focus so much on this openness and find it to be important because as I was growing up, I felt multiple times like I was the only one. I felt alone with my thoughts and feelings and didn’t have anyone to connect to. I remember the first time I met someone who suffered through similar events as me and the extreme sense of comfort, understanding and release of emotion it gave me. I finally felt like I wasn’t alone. I wasn’t wrong in having the thoughts I did or doing the things I did in the past. If just one person stumbles upon this blog and feels that, then I feel like I’ve done something right.

If you are reading this, I want to remember a few things. You deserve to be happy. Don’t stop until you wake up each day and are excited to live your life. Your past doesn’t define you. Learn from it, and continue to grow and move on. You are not alone, no matter what the voice in your head tells you. People love and care about you, you are here for a reason, please go out and find that reason!

Lots of love and positive thoughts!
Ash

#HowToLoveMe

I love searching through Instagram. Yes, I am one of those people who search through the discovery page, lusting over fashion, tattoos, travel photos and beautiful people. The other day I stumbled upon Shan Boodram’s Instagram account and boy am I happy I did. Not only is she a physically beautiful human being, but she is the kind of woman that just through scrolling her feed, you can tell she’s a world changer. I could literally ramble about her for ages but that is not the reason for this post. The reason for this post is an initiative that she started called: How to Love Me.

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The initiative is exactly what it sounds like. It is instructions for the person you love (or one day will love), on how to love you. In Shan’s YouTube video that I linked above, she explains that so many people in relationships are put in situations that they are not designed to thrive in. Instead of figuring out how to love a person in a way they need to be loved, we get mad because they are not reacting the “proper” way to the love we are giving them. Shan proposes an idea of what if we give people the recipe on how to love us and help us thrive in that love. The instructions for people who want to understand us, before attempting to love us.

I thought this was an amazing and beautiful idea and in doing this initiative, I might not only possibly help someone love me one day, but I’ll also learn how to accept that love and prosper in it. So here is a list of the most important things I need to feel loved.

  • showing you care about what I care about
  • giving me my personal space when I need it
  • physical touch
  • making me a priority
  • respecting my time
  • HONESTY-LOYALTY
  • express your feelings
  • laugh with me
  • challenge me
  • support my passions, but also have your own
  • grow with me
  • help me through my bad days
  • kindness

If you guys have a second, I challenge you to take this initiative and share it with your partner. If you’re like me and you don’t have one, who cares! Do it anyway! You have nothing to lose and everything to gain!
Also, check out Shan on her social media! This girl is life changing!!

🙂
Ash