Someone asked me tonight: “What’s changed in you?”.
That’s a loaded question because a lot has changed in me.
Over this past year, I’ve finally begun to love myself. I finally understand what happened to me in my past and the way I was treated was not okay. I have realized that I deserve to have people in my life that lift me up, that ask me how my day is, and when the answer isn’t ‘amazing’, they help me figure out ways to change that. This year, I have learned how to say ‘no’ to the things that no longer help me grow. I’ve learnt to let things and people go if they don’t bring the best out of me. I’ve learnt that life is hard and it doesn’t get easier the older you get, you just get stronger. This year I’ve stopped trying to be anyone else, but my annoying and goofy self.
In reality, this person wasn’t asking for this answer, in fact, I am pretty damn sure they knew the answer, they just wanted me to say it. They wanted me to realize it.
So to this person, who I know will never read this, my answer to you is this:
“I have not changed, I am the nice girl with a big heart, waiting for someone who will finally appreciate and see my time is equal to theirs. I am the girl who would bend over backwards to make another person simply smile, even if it breaks my heart to do so. I am the girl that would settle being your second, third or even last thought of the day, as long as it meant I would possibly be a thought in your head. But lastly I am the girl, who finally realizes that I don’t deserve to be someone’s second option, I deserve to be someones first and only.”
I hope one day, you find what you’re looking for.
I hope one day, you find someone who doesn’t complete you, but compliments you.
I hope one day, you realize that being vulnerable is okay.
I hope one day, you see the beauty to showing someone your feelings and not assuming they already know.
I hope one day, you realize that waiting for the love you deserve was worth it.
I hope one day, you realize that you don’t need to do any kind of extravagant gesture to change the world, and simply being yourself already does that.
I hope one day, you are able to accept a compliment.
I hope one day, you love yourself as much as you want someone else to love you.
I hope one day, you stop letting people walk all over you.
I hope one day, you are surrounded by happiness.
I hope one day, you appreciate yourself as much as others do.
These words are not mine, but they deeply spoke to me. I think it’s a great reminder of the kind of love we deserve in life.
Happy Canadian Thanksgiving to you all!
I hope you are surrounded by people that love you and you are reminded for all that you have to be thankful for!
Every single thing that happens in your life, shapes the person you are. Every person that comes into your life, every person that leaves your life and all the people and experiences in between.
I am not going to lie. I am the kind of person who over thinks and over analyzes every. single. situation. If a person looks at me the wrong way, my mind tells me they don’t like me. If someone doesn’t give me the check of approval, I must have done something wrong. As simple as someone not answering a text message, makes my mind work in over drive.
In saying this, every person that comes into my life and for some reason leaves, I take that onto myself and I take it very personally. Lost friendships, past relationships, I carry those things with me, often for far too long. I am not the kind of person that can easily forget things. I still over think experiences from elementary school. Like what?! Who does that?
While on Tumblr last night I reposted this quote that said:
“If someone treats you badly recognize that there is something wrong with them, not you. Normal people do not go around destroying other people.”
I immediately thought of a list of people I could send that too. All the people that made me focus on my flaws as negative things instead of beautiful things, all the people who have tried to change me along my path of life and to anyone who ever made me doubt myself or doubt my dreams.
After reposting this quote, I saw this one:
“It was a privilege to love you, and it was a privilege to let you go. Both helped shape me into the person I have become.”
I realized that the people in my past, though they may have hurt me, or broken my heart, they shaped me into the person I am. My chubby cheeks that one person may have criticized once, is something that another person loves about me. I am stronger because of the people and experiences of my past. They didn’t hold me down, or damper my worth. They lifted me up and made me realize how thankful I am for my flaws that make me different than the person next to me.
I think when you come to this realization, is when you can finally be happy. People will never stop criticizing you throughout your life, but we are all capable of moving past these criticisms and loving yourselves as we are. Make sure to surround yourself with people who view your flaws as beauty and lift you up when the criticisms from the world become too much for you to carry alone.
I am currently writing my last final! I can’t wait to be done and be able to focus on reading and writing things that actually interest me!!
Here’s a 20 min. video on social media and our society. It’s truely a great listen and really makes you think about the amount of time we all spend on our phones!
Talk to you all soon!