Someone asked me tonight: “What’s changed in you?”.
That’s a loaded question because a lot has changed in me.
Over this past year, I’ve finally begun to love myself. I finally understand what happened to me in my past and the way I was treated was not okay. I have realized that I deserve to have people in my life that lift me up, that ask me how my day is, and when the answer isn’t ‘amazing’, they help me figure out ways to change that. This year, I have learned how to say ‘no’ to the things that no longer help me grow. I’ve learnt to let things and people go if they don’t bring the best out of me. I’ve learnt that life is hard and it doesn’t get easier the older you get, you just get stronger. This year I’ve stopped trying to be anyone else, but my annoying and goofy self.
In reality, this person wasn’t asking for this answer, in fact, I am pretty damn sure they knew the answer, they just wanted me to say it. They wanted me to realize it.
So to this person, who I know will never read this, my answer to you is this:
“I have not changed, I am the nice girl with a big heart, waiting for someone who will finally appreciate and see my time is equal to theirs. I am the girl who would bend over backwards to make another person simply smile, even if it breaks my heart to do so. I am the girl that would settle being your second, third or even last thought of the day, as long as it meant I would possibly be a thought in your head. But lastly I am the girl, who finally realizes that I don’t deserve to be someone’s second option, I deserve to be someones first and only.”