27 things I’m Going to Work on This Year

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Last year for my birthday I wrote the 26 things I learnt in 26 years of my life, so this year I’m changing it up. I’m going to talk about the things I want to work on this year. Basically like New Year resolutions, but wayyyy cooler.

To start off, I’d just like to state.. HOW ON EARTH AM I ALREADY 27.. what da heck!? I really need to step back and rethink the title of my blog since it’s starting to age me. (Hahaha- sarcastically laughing to make myself feel better).

I can’t believe the vision I used to have about this age when I was younger. I mean I feel like we all talked about how we thought we’d be married, having kids, with stable careers at this age. I would love all those things, but I also love the path I’m on. It’ll definitely make for great stories one day….

Here are the 27 things I’m going to work on, or continue working on this year!

1) Praise myself more often. I had a great conversation the other day with some clients at work. We talked about how our society is obsessed with always needing to do better, and that we never stop and appreciate how far we’ve come and praise ourselves for what we’ve accomplished. This year I want to stop and be thankful for how far I’ve come and for all the things I’ve accomplished.

2) Stop using ‘busy’ as an excuse. I’m a huge believer that a person can always make time for the things they want to in life, yet I am constantly making the excuse that I’m too busy to do things. I need to be more honest with my true feelings and stop using my work as an excuse.

3) On the same note, I need to stop being so busy, and start saying ‘no’ more often. I can’t do everything, I need to realize that before I work myself to the bone!

4) Tell people how much they mean to me more often.

5) Spend more quality time with my grandma.

6) Practise my Spanish more before I lose it.

7) Spend less time on my phone, specially right before bed.

8) Stop eating food in my bed. I’ve woken up to too many melted chocolate chips in my bed (I wish I was kidding).

9) Be better with my money. I’ve actually gotten a lot better, but I need to continue to save, and spend money on needs and not wants.

10) Listen to the men I bring into my life. I often get caught up making up love stories and situations in my head. But I need to stop and realize that if a boy isn’t making time for me, he doesn’t truly want to.

11) Read more!

12) Keep my room more organized.

13) Make time for the meaningful relationships in my life, like family and friends.

14) Forgiveness. Holding onto grudges hurts no one else except myself. I need to learn to let go and move on.

15) Don’t stress about the things I can’t control in my life. I can’t control what people say about me. I can’t control another persons feelings about me. I can only be kind and be myself.

16) Stop blocking people out of my life. Use my words to express my feelings and not the “block” button.

17) Disconnect more often from social media.

18) Find new passions that make me happy.

19) Cook and bake more.

20) Start the things I keep telling myself I’ll do later in life.

21) Take myself on dates. Buy myself flowers. Who needs a man for those things?

22) Stop unnecessarily filtering myself because I’m scared people won’t like who I am.

23) And at the same time, stop trying to filter others because I’m scared of how people will also view them (that’s not my problem).

24) Stop worrying so much about pleasing others, and please myself.

25) Stop filtering my emotions. I’m allowed to feel however I want to and don’t need to feel sorry for that.

26) Answer phone calls, texts, emails, etc. as soon as I can. It’s the adult thing to do.

27) Stop allowing an age define me and where I should be in life.

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one day.

I hope one day, you find what you’re looking for.

I hope one day, you find someone who doesn’t complete you, but compliments you.

I hope one day, you realize that being vulnerable is okay.

I hope one day, you see the beauty to showing someone your feelings and not assuming they already know.

I hope one day, you realize that waiting for the love you deserve was worth it.

I hope one day, you realize that you don’t need to do any kind of extravagant gesture to change the world, and simply being yourself already does that.

I hope one day, you are able to accept a compliment.

I hope one day, you love yourself as much as you want someone else to love you.

I hope one day, you stop letting people walk all over you.

I hope one day, you are surrounded by happiness.

I hope one day, you appreciate yourself as much as others do.

Come Along With Me- Scar Removal

Hey guys!

I have decided to share a new journey with you all! I have been chosen for a program called Nu Beginnings. It is a “community outreach initiativeย specialized in helping those who have had their confidence affected by accidents, illness, trauma or self harm”, started by a local medical estheticsย clinic, Nu Image. I had to apply for this program and was a little nervous at first.

I have had my scars for so long, they are almost like a part of me, a part of my identity. Proof that I survived a tough part of my life. In the large picture, I chose to apply because I think it is a great opportunity to share my journey and bring awareness to self-injury and mental illness. I know many people wouldn’t tag me as someone who struggled with self-injury in the past, so I think it’s awesome to be able to show that mental illness and self-injury doesn’t fit the societal built stereotypes.

So I went into my first appointment at Nu Image about a week ago and sat down with two ladies: Jennifer and Vida. They explained the program to me and asked if I would be okay with sharing my story. My answer was yes. They explained that many people working there had backgrounds and degrees in psychology, and mental illness had a huge part of their hearts which is why they wanted to start this program.

Next, they looked at my scars (which I have on the top of my left arm and on my right thigh). They decided by looking at my scars that there are three treatments they would try.

1) Microneedling which would help the texture of my scars.

2) Laser which would lighten the scarring.

3) Cosmetic tattooing to fix the skin pigment.

I went for my first treatment yesterday which turned out to be lasering. The pictures below show immediately after the treatment (which is why they look swollen) and the day after.

I’m not going to lie it did hurt and I would say I have a quite high pain tolerance. The part that hurt the most was when Vida would go over the same spot more than once with the laser. The smell was also quite bad, smelling like burnt hair and skin. I was given numbing cream which helped a lot and also given some to take home and apply twice daily.

Today the areas feel quite sore like a burn would feel. Sensitive to touch and some movements. Vida told me to expect to peal within the next couple of days.

I willย continue to update you all on this journey!

๐Ÿ™‚

-A

 

Heart-Break Cafe.

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ย  I sit, as I have before, feeling alone, heartbroken and empty. The feeling you get when you fail an exam, or you don’t get the job you applied for. The feeling that leaves you speechless, regretful and numb.

Why did I let myself get here again? Why did I allow a person have this control over me yet another time? Why did I ever believe it would be different?

I’m frustrated that I never get the chance to share my life with another person. I’m upset that yet again, I let myself believe that a person might actually want to be with me. And I’m extremely sad, that I allowed myself to trust someone enough and let them into my life and my thoughts.

Time is the most valuable thing you can give someone. Not money, not bought items, not flowers or jewelry. But memories, deep conversations, late night laughs and minutes of your day. The worst thing is when you regret giving this time to a person. When you don’t learn a lesson or leave with happy memories or thoughts. When you’re left with words to say, and no one there to listen.

How do you move forward, when unsaid words feel like weights holding you back? How do you make sense of a situation when you’re still confused at what really went wrong?

I would rather spend time alone, then spend time with someone who makes me feel even more alone when they leave.

My purpose.

Do you ever wonder if we were each put on this earth to do a certain thing? To change something. To create something. To save someone. I often wonder why I’m here. Why I was born where I was born. Why I’ve made the life choices I’ve made so far. At the time I was making the choices they were all for a certain reason, but I wonder in the end if it’ll all add up to something.

I often think about my grandma who passed almost two and a half years ago. I asked her once if she had any regrets in life. I was hoping for a witty, sassy response because that’s the kind of lady she was, but her answer wasn’t what I was looking for. If she was still alive, I would ask her so many questions about life. I would ask her if she found her reason.

This world is so much bigger than me, and I feel like I’m being consumed by it. I’m letting it break down me down and wear me out. My mind is always running at high speed. Overthinking. Over-analyzing. I’m constantly searching for love or trying to make myself into something I’m not. I’m trying to break out of the mold, at the same time I’m trying to fit into it.

I let other people tell me I’m not good enough, and I let these people’s thoughts pollute myย mind. I constantly try to be this perfect poster board cut out, at the same time as I let depression and anxiety eat at my brain.

I let people walk all over me, though I tell myself I don’t deserve it. I let people use and abuse me for their pleasure until I’m empty and feel nothing at all.

But where does it end? Where do I find my reason in this all? When do I get my time?

I often say that we create our own happiness. I believe this 100%. I can sit here and pout about the past all I want, but in reality, it’s never going to get me anywhere. The thing is, I feel as though I create the perfect situations for me to be happy, but I never reach that point. There’s always something missing. Maybe the thing missing is my purpose, and life’s just not ready to show it to me yet.