Walk Away or Stay

It’s officially my birthday month and growing one more year further from my mid-twenties when I first started this blog, to my late twenties where things are still unknown.

I’ve learned quite a lot since starting this blog. I think the most important thing is to always be honest with your thoughts, emotions, feelings, actions and everything else in between.  Not only should you be honest with yourself about these things, but be honest with the people around you as well.

In the past, I have lost so many nights of sleep overthinking situations, overthinking emotions and overthinking things I’ve done. But why?? What is the point of torturing myself for things I can’t even control a lot of the time? I have every right to feel certain ways. If someone hurts my feelings, why shouldn’t I be allowed to feel hurt or betrayed or misused. Maybe in another person’s eyes, I’m overreacting, or being over emotional, but you know what, who fricken cares?! Let me pout, let me feel. I will never numb or silence my emotions or feelings because they might make another person feel uncomfortable.

For the people who know me personally, they probably know I ‘feel’ a lot. I put my heart and soul into everything I do and I tend to take things extra personally. Yes, I know, this 100% gets me in trouble more than it may benefit me, but that is the way I am and I honestly don’t ever want to change it. Putting my heart into the things I do, makes me who I am. Makes me the person that I have grown to love, regardless if another person might find that hard to love.

I think the best things in life, are the things that make you uncomfortable. The things that push you to grow and be a better version of yourself. No, I am nowhere close to being perfect and no, I am nowhere close to not making mistakes on a daily, but I have come so far from the girl that would rather bite her tongue than risk telling another person how I’m feeling because they may walk away from me.

-A

 

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My Story is me.

Everyone has a story and your story is whatever you want to make it. Your story is what is important to you. It’s different situations and different circumstances. It’s battles that have been won and lost.  Your story is you.  My question is: is it important to tell your story?

I read in a book that by telling your story you are creating yourself.  Some people can’t feel like they’ve lived without telling their story.

This topic for me sparked when I was asked in one of my last ever university classes, what brought me to study sociology.  Luckily, I was very last, so I had lots of time to think about my story or alter what I was going to say depending on what other people were saying. By the time it got to me, my story had changed a lot then how I would have told it if I was first. Surprisingly, my story got longer and more in-depth as I listened to others people’s stories.

In my story, I talked a lot about being lost, not knowing what I wanted to do in my life, and stumbling upon studying sociology out of desperation.  I still stand true to this.  If sociology has done anything for me, it has taught me about life and about people. I analyze situations more and understand how and why people act or react in the ways they do. I understand pop culture and climate change, social structures and how each individual is shaped through experiences. I also have a better understanding of why people are the way they are and with this knowledge, I have been able to grow and excel in many different jobs and relationships.

I see a lot of people on social media criticizing others that talk about their past experiences or issues. People will often say they’re doing it for attention or the want for pity and even as I grow and share more about myself, I often feel that people think this about me. BUT, I have finally come to the point in my life that I no longer care what people think.  There will forever be people that are going to talk negatively about you, even if you’re the nicest person in the world. People love talking. People get jealous. People like to criticize anything out of the norm. And people hate change. That’s life.

I think transparency is extremely important for me. I used to say I thought it was important for everyone, but I remembered that not everyone wants to share their stories. For me, I think sharing my struggles, triumphs, losses, victories and everything in between in an important part of who I am. I like connecting with people in this way. I like being able to say: “Me too, I was there, I went through that too, I’ve also felt that”.. etc. I focus so much on this openness and find it to be important because as I was growing up, I felt multiple times like I was the only one. I felt alone with my thoughts and feelings and didn’t have anyone to connect to. I remember the first time I met someone who suffered through similar events as me and the extreme sense of comfort, understanding and release of emotion it gave me. I finally felt like I wasn’t alone. I wasn’t wrong in having the thoughts I did or doing the things I did in the past. If just one person stumbles upon this blog and feels that, then I feel like I’ve done something right.

If you are reading this, I want to remember a few things. You deserve to be happy. Don’t stop until you wake up each day and are excited to live your life. Your past doesn’t define you. Learn from it, and continue to grow and move on. You are not alone, no matter what the voice in your head tells you. People love and care about you, you are here for a reason, please go out and find that reason!

Lots of love and positive thoughts!
Ash

#HowToLoveMe

I love searching through Instagram. Yes, I am one of those people who search through the discovery page, lusting over fashion, tattoos, travel photos and beautiful people. The other day I stumbled upon Shan Boodram’s Instagram account and boy am I happy I did. Not only is she a physically beautiful human being, but she is the kind of woman that just through scrolling her feed, you can tell she’s a world changer. I could literally ramble about her for ages but that is not the reason for this post. The reason for this post is an initiative that she started called: How to Love Me.

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The initiative is exactly what it sounds like. It is instructions for the person you love (or one day will love), on how to love you. In Shan’s YouTube video that I linked above, she explains that so many people in relationships are put in situations that they are not designed to thrive in. Instead of figuring out how to love a person in a way they need to be loved, we get mad because they are not reacting the “proper” way to the love we are giving them. Shan proposes an idea of what if we give people the recipe on how to love us and help us thrive in that love. The instructions for people who want to understand us, before attempting to love us.

I thought this was an amazing and beautiful idea and in doing this initiative, I might not only possibly help someone love me one day, but I’ll also learn how to accept that love and prosper in it. So here is a list of the most important things I need to feel loved.

  • showing you care about what I care about
  • giving me my personal space when I need it
  • physical touch
  • making me a priority
  • respecting my time
  • HONESTY-LOYALTY
  • express your feelings
  • laugh with me
  • challenge me
  • support my passions, but also have your own
  • grow with me
  • help me through my bad days
  • kindness

If you guys have a second, I challenge you to take this initiative and share it with your partner. If you’re like me and you don’t have one, who cares! Do it anyway! You have nothing to lose and everything to gain!
Also, check out Shan on her social media! This girl is life changing!!

🙂
Ash