Seizures 101

So Ashley, what is it actually like to have a seizure?

Oh, let me tell you.

I would just like to start with a question for you all.  Why is it when people find out I have seizures, the first thing they say is “I’m sorry”.  Like what are you sorry for exactly? haha Please don’t tell me you’re sorry, or you feel bad for me. There are far worse things in life than having seizures (especially mine).

To start off I’ll explain the kind of seizures I have.  I am not epileptic.  Usually, one of the first questions people will ask me. As of right now, there’s no reason doctors can find, why I am having the occasional seizure.  They think the triggers are: lack of sleep, stress, not eating properly and too much caffeine (so basically any university students life). I have tonic-clonic (or grand mal) seizures, which, unfortunately, in my opinion, are the worst ones to have. I like to call them the “Ashley Twerk”.  I lose consciousness, bite my tongue and cheeks and shake. They usually last (for me) 30 seconds to a minute, though tonic-clonic seizures can last up to 3 minutes. Another thing with my seizures is I only get them when I’m sleeping and I’ve only had a total of three over six years. One was in a hostel in Mexico, one was on an airplane to Toronto and one was at my house.

After my seizures, I feel confused, insanely exhausted (both mentally and physically), my body is extremely sore from being tensed and my tongue is sometimes numb and bruised from biting it. 2/3 times I didn’t know I had a seizure, people around me had to tell me.  During most seizures, I don’t feel, think or dream anything, but the one on the airplane I had, I dreamt the airplane propellers were chasing me and I was trying to dodge them, which is why I was shaking.. weird, I know.

The worst part about seizures isn’t even the losing your license part, which you do every single time you have one (first seizure is 3 months no license, then every time after that it’s 6 months), it’s the medication you have to go on.  There is no medication yet that fixes seizures, only medications that prevent them.  BASICALLY, in my opinion, finding a medication for your seizures is a trial and error process until you find one that you are able to withstand the side effects the best.

All the medications I’ve been on, I’ve completely hated (if we’re being honest here).
1) The first one I was on was Lamotrigine.  This one affected my speech the most. I constantly slurred my words and couldn’t remember certain words when I was talking. This medication also changed my vision 100%.  Both of these side affects my neurologist did not tell me about.  I was on this medication for about three years I believe, but then stopped taking it and had another seizure. *eye roll

2) The second medication is the one I’m currently on. It is Keppra.  It is the bane of my existence BUT it is one of the newest ones out (which supposedly means it’s supposed to be good).  With this one, I have found that, thankfully, hasn’t affected my speech (thank goodness) but it affects my short term memory.  So I am constantly losing my keys, wallet and phone everywhere I go cause I can never remember where I put them.  This one also affects my mood, giving me extreme highs and lows and bad anxiety.  Lack of energy is another side effect I have felt from both this medication and my first one.

There are far worse things in life, I know.

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Let’s Talk About Sex Baby..

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Well now that I have your attention, let’s get down to the real topic.. haha just kidding, it is sex.  Sex, casual dating, hookups and everything in between.

My interest in this topic sparked when I read an article from Elephant Journal (which I will have linked below).  I don’t always agree with everything Elephant Journal writes about, but they always bring up very interesting topics.  Once I clicked on this article, more and more began to appear on the topic of dating and the hookup culture.

This topic probably sparks my interest so much cause I am literally right in the center of it all. Desperately hoping I will not be single for the rest of my life.  The issue for me is, maybe I want to be.  With all the options out there today to connect with people all over the world, are people really ever going to be completely satisfied with one person for the rest of their lives.  Obviously, being an optimist, I hope so, but if you look at all the stats nowadays, it frightens me a little bit.

Before the time of Facebook and Tinder, people met through friends, family, and proximity (meaning the area you live in), now our options to meet future partners are literally endless.  I have people from around the world that add me on social media accounts. There are ways to connect with almost any person you can possibly imagine. Tinder now has the option to swipe anywhere you want in the world and there are not only local dating sites but also worldwide ones.  With all these options out there, is anyone ever going to be 100% satisfied with just having me?

I’m not going to put the blame entirely on our culture because I know for a fact the men I usually go for are known to have a wandering eye but I’ve literally gotten to the point in my dating life, where I feel the need to state: “I am not only looking to have sex with you” on every first date I go on.  Is sex really a requirement for first dates, because that is how it feels.

Women tend to get the wrath for a lot of things in our society.  Yes, I do take a lot of women focused university classes, so I get to see and study a lot of first-hand things that happen to women in our world, so maybe that’s why I tend to notice it a lot more in my everyday life as well, but seriously.  The United States just elected a man who used the phrase “grab ’em by their pussy”, to run their country….  Please try and tell me that women and men are treated equally in today’s world. This unequal treatment translates over to dating. I feel like when it comes to casual dating and the hookup culture, women aren’t allowed to do it.  Men make the rules and women try to keep up with them. “Is it too soon to text him?” “Is it slutty, if I’m talking to more than one guy at once?” “Will he think I’m too clingy if I ask him to hang out, instead of waiting for him to ask me?”  The unwritten rules of casual dating (for women only), because it’s a game after all, right? **insert eye roll

In saying this, I am going to make a disclaimer and say that it’s not the case that men don’t also get the wrath, for example, the term: fuckboy.  This was created just for men.  I’ve also heard multiple men say that women have just started classifying all men into this category and there are men out there that aren’t like this (IF YOU ARE ONE OF THESE MEN AND YOU ARE READING THIS, PLEASE CONTACT ME.. hahah)

For me, I can’t just have sex with someone and not catch feelings for them, I don’t know if that’s a personal trait or if that’s a female trait, but sorry hookup culture, you aren’t for me. Sex is great and all, but you know what’s even better?? Sex when you care about the other person and when the only thought in your head isn’t just about your own pleasure but also of theirs.  Maybe that’s a personal choice I need to make.  To start refusing to only be used as a late night booty call, and wait for someone who is willing to share themselves with me.. Maybe I need to accept that lonely nights, will be worth finding a life long partner in the end.

I know I will be easily criticised for writing any part of this blog entry. Rule number one is people, women especially, don’t openly have public conversations about sex, especially casual sex, sex before marriage and sex with more than one partner.  And in writing this, it makes it sound like I’m breaking all of these rules. I still believe in the sacred-sy of sex, but I can not explain the difficulty of trying to start a relationship in the midst of this sex-obsessed culture.

Agree or disagree with me, please have an open mind on this topic.

-A

*Below I have linked the two articles that sparked this blog post!! High recommend reading, especially the Vanity Fair one!

Elephant Journal Article

Vanity Fair Article

25 Fun Facts About ME!

  1. I eat a banana every single morning, and if I don’t my whole day is literally thrown off.
  2. My knees are extremely hyperextended, which is why one of my favourite animals is a flamingo.
  3. I am very influenced by other people’s vibes.  If people around me are grumpy, it will most likely make me grumpy. If people are happy, I’ll be happy.
  4. I am completely a visual learning.  You can preach at me till the sun goes down, but I won’t understand it until I see it or try it for myself.
  5. I’m allergic to kiwis and melons.
  6. I am a scary movie addict. I like to watch them alone to make them scarier.
  7. If I don’t like a food, I will eat it until I do. Not sure why I just don’t like being a picky eater.
  8. I hate birthdays (my birthday). Too much attention on myself it makes me anxious haha.
  9. I wish I had the nerve to dye my hair a crazy colour, like blue, but I’m way too nervous to.
  10. I have really long eyelashes and when I was little I wanted to cut them off because they reminded me of spider legs.
  11. I’m really good at reading people, thanks to all my studying in sociology and social psychology.
  12. I like to pretend my life is like High School Musical, so I’m constantly listening to music and imagining everyone dancing routines around me hahaha
  13. I really wish I was a fashionista like some of my friends, but I just love spending my money on makeup and not clothes way too much.
  14. I hardly ever wear real bras.. sports bras and bralettes 4 lyfe.
  15. Fall is my favourite season, because touques, bunnyhugs, scarves and cuddling with cute boys are life.
  16. I care way too much about social media and I truly wish I didn’t.
  17. My best friends are my soul mates.
  18. Manners are super important to me, and I secretly judge people that don’t use them.
  19. If you’re ever on my bad side just buy me: a ginger beer, chocolate and banana 5 cent candies and you’ll be golden.
  20. I cannot sleep with another person in my bed. Good luck to my future partner.
  21. I read every single Harry Potter book in under a week. Yep. I’m cool like that.
  22. I got lost in a jungle in Panama once, trying to find an endangered red frog. Literally so extremely lost. I wasn’t even scared because being lost in a jungle makes for a pretty sweet story. PS found the red frog, and found out it was poisonous after holding it…
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  23. Dance parties are my life. In the morning, at night, mid afternoon.. as long as the music is good, I’m down for a dance party.
  24. My biggest dream has always been to own my own hostel somewhere in the world.
  25. I do not like swearing. I don’t like hearing other people swear and I barely ever swear myself.