Piece by piece..

puzzle-pieces

I was sitting in class the other day (clearly paying very good attention), and I was analysing my dating life, or for better words, the lack thereof.

Relationships and Ashley do no mix.  I have been super single for a super long time, and as much as I enjoy my independence and time to myself, I am ready to share my life with another person. But if there’s one thing I’ve learnt in life, is that everything has its own process. Things happen when you least expect them too.

I am always so quick to blame the other person in my relationships for not working; they were too controlling, they weren’t understanding enough, they weren’t supportive of me.. blah blah blah.. The most important thing about a relationship is knowing that you not only need to find someone who is willing to give a part of themselves to you, but you also need to be willing to give up parts of yourself. And that you are willing to take half the blame if it doesn’t go as planned. You need to be willing to hear two sides to every story, you need to be willing to not always put yourself first anymore and you need to be willing admit that your way of seeing things, maybe isn’t always the best way.

Personally, I find myself in the kind of relationships where one of us is always trying to ‘fix’ the other one. I claimed myself as the ‘rebound girl’ because I always find myself chasing after boys who just broke up with someone and of course the last thing these guys want at that moment is another girlfriend, but let me tell you, have I ever tried my darnest to convince them otherwise.  Of course, in the end, I am always the one who is left feeling broken and betrayed.

I see relationships as puzzles. Each person is a puzzle with missing pieces. When you are in a relationship, you give your pieces to another person to try and make their puzzle whole. If only one person in the relationship is doing this, then in a result, only one person will end up as a whole. If you are equally contributing back and worth to giving and taking pieces of each other’s puzzles, that’s how a relationship and life with someone else is built.

I am the kind of person who loves to give pieces of my puzzle to everyone. I am constantly giving, but it’s rare that I ever find someone who is willing to give an equal amount to me. So at the end of relationships, I always find myself missing more puzzle pieces than I started with. I end up feeling resentful, hurt, broken and empty. Is that my ex-partners’ fault? No, I wouldn’t say so. I am in control of my life, and it should be my job to realise when I am giving more than I am receiving.

It’s important to realise that the point of some relationships may simply be to teach you a lesson, about yourself and about what you want in life. Despite the negative outcomes of my past relationships, I have learnt something from each of them. I think after healing from every breakup, I have learnt the most important thing of all. That you should never put the blame solely on one person; not only on yourself and not only on the other person. A relationship is two people. Two faults. Two lessons. And two hearts that are being hurt. I need to remember that even the most heartless of boys have hearts too. 🙂

-A

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